An Inherently Flawed Analogy
I promise my pregnancy / delivery posts have almost dried up, but there’s just a little more I want to write before I try to close that topic here. I just started unpacking our bags from the hospital (I know, it’s about damn time!), and I came across the CD’s we’d made and listened to during portions of my labor. I cried. Again. I guess there are a few reasons my delivery felt so traumatic to me. Although much of my pregnancy was overshadowed by Shane’s adoption and our travels through Vietnam, the last few months were spent reading every book on natural childbirth I could get my hands on, watching videos on deliveries, meeting with our doula, completing the Bradley Natural Childbirth course, and emotionally preparing for the climactic moment we’d been anticipating - the moment when that final push would bring our beautiful baby into the world and we would first lay eyes on the life we’d created. Only, it didn’t quite happen that way. I am still recovering, I very much feel like I’m wearing someone else’s body, and I haven’t been able to pause life long enough to fully finish processing everything that happened. Right now it just feels like Trav and I are running as fast as we can, but there’s not way we can possibly catch up with life.
As for the analogy…I’m talking about the “labor is like running a marathon” analogy. You see, running a marathon is a finite event. You know, upfront, how far it is you have to run. You are in control the entire time, you can pace yourself, you can rest as needed or push through the pain to get to the end sooner. There is a guaranteed end to the pain and a sense of accomplishment if you do what you set out to do, which is run a predetermined distance. This is nothing like labor.
Lastly, I just want to document the things related to this pregnancy, labor, and delivery that I’ll never forget. Here are my most memorable moments:
- The day I took that pregnancy test while Travis was working with the family doc in rural Colorado over the summer and I had to show up with it wrapped in a paper towel, speechless, to hand him the pee stick in person. The look on his face was priceless. The way we stared at each other, dumbfounded, was priceless. That day was perfect. {I’ve gone back and unprotected that post so anyone can read it}
- The first time I really felt her kick. My computer was on my belly and I watched it bounce up and down.
- All the nights we’d stayed up to watch the ripples across my belly as those little hands were reaching out to feel her surroundings.
- Seeing the Baby Center update on “Your 1 Week Old” when I was still 41 weeks pregnant!
- Showing up at our 41 weeks OB appointment to find out I was 5 cm, then later that afternoon at the labor deck to find out I was 7cm dilated. I’ll never forget that excitement.
- Learning 6.5hrs after arrival that I was still at 7cm, which didn’t bode well for our planned natural vaginal delivery. I’ve never experienced disappointment like that.
- The moment they FINALLY pulled my baby out and my husband turned to me, crying, to tell me “Laur, we got our little girl.”
And here she is, 1 month old today, and a picture of perfection in her mommy and daddy’s eyes. Yiayia got her this cute little sun dress that she modeled for us. Check out the extra chin - I think we’re finally starting to pork her up a bit! Here’s “Finjin,” as Jackson calls her:
We have snow in the forecast for tomorrow, but after that, we’re hoping the warm weather holds out and we can start busting out the adorable spring / summer wardrobe her grandparents, our friends, my blogging buddies, and our families have spoiled her with!! There are some serious benefits to being the only baby girl /granddaughter in the family. And you will all be SHOCKED that Travis and I have not only allowed ourselves to totally fall victim to, but we’ve actually enjoyed the pink explosion. I’m ashamed;) Hahaha…Travis must’ve been feeling guilty because he bought her a camo print dress and little capri outfit the other day. Yiayia told him he was going to make her a lesbian and he gave the “just until college” response. Hey, as long as she’s a strong, confident, kick-ass little girl, we could give a flying hoot about her sexual orientation or choice of clothing! But for now, I have to admit, the dresses are pretty darn cute.
There are some really heavy adoption related things I want to sit down and write about one of these days when I finally have the time and clarity to do it (time AND clarity - haha, I know). But writing brings me clarity, so I’ll try and work on those posts in pieces when things are quiet…’quiet’ has become a very relative term around here!
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HI, I stumbled across your blog I think because I used to nanny a little girl also adopted from Vietnam. I’m not sure how I came across it but I was looking for some doula stuff, which I am, and somehow it lead to your blog. I just wanted to let you know that once I started reading your blog I was hooked, and I wanted to let you know that I was reading it because I sort of feel like a peeping tom because you don’t know me. Anyways, I wanted to tell you congratulations on your beautiful little girl and I’m sorry your birth experience was not what you had expected. As someone who also did a ton of reading on natural birth and preparation for birth I understand all of the emotions that go into getting ready for a natural birth. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and that you are so so brave for writing down all of your thoughts a feelings for people to read. I think one of the things that we as mothers often don’t do enough is talk about what is going on as we are processing our postpartum feelings. Being honest about your feelings is probably the best way to heal. Thank you for your courage to share. You have a very beautiful family.
damn, your pregnancy/labor/birth posts ALWAYS make me cry. I’m laughing at the marathon analogy now that you point it out! You are totally right. There is nothing like it.
I am so saddened and disappointed by you AND Travis falling victim to the pink bug. Get it out of your system, fast, ok?! Ha. Kidding. I suspect she will be one well-rounded munchkin! She is just adorable in her little sundress. And yes please can you keep the snow at bay? Because when my plane lands in two weeks, if there is snow on the ground I am taking the soonest plane back outta dodge.
That post is showing up as protected for me. Girl, you’ve been through some heavy stuff to say the least but have managed to handle everything so well.
Finley looks adorable and plump in her little dress. Enjoy the pink, frills, dresses, etc. while she’s young. My monster has turned into a real tomboy and refuses to wear anything girly. But she is a “strong, confident, kick-ass little girl” so I try not to challenge her sense of ’style.’
Snow, are you serious? If your getting snow then I’m sure we are too up here in the mountains. Ugh!
Laur,
I am anxious for your adoption posts….I too have a lot kicken around and I’d love to hear your thoughts…..
I really can’t imagine at all what you have been through. While my situation is drastically different, I can relate to the “not being able to come up for air” feeling, like if you even take a second and stop doggy paddling long enough to push your head up out of the water to gulp in the air you will drown.
I can finally say that we are through it… it only took a year!
Finley is a sweetheart….I love “Finjin” that’s great!
I hear ya with the marathon analogy- kind of like when people make adoption into a pregnancy analogy, huh?
ps- did Jackson climb out of his crib ever? PM me if you have any advice….Khai discovered today that he can(AKKKKKK, Crap, Frap etc!!!!) and promply did so 3 times during nap time(which he usually sleeps 2 hours during)
I was surprised by how hard I fell into and embraced the pink explosion on my end too - I’m glad I’m not the only one! And if you figure out the way to time and clarity at the same time please let me know - if you can manage it I sure as heck should be able to as well…
She is oh-so-cute!!! Love the pics! I would think that your labor could be compared to torture rather than a marathon. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that crap. Enjoy the pink while it lasts!! My preteen has started wearing black most of the time - ever since I told her the reason I wear it is because it is “slimming” LOL.
Lina
still waiting for my baby boy.
Happy one month Finley- she is so adorable in the dress! I can imagine the disappointment of your memorable moment #6, but #7 must have been so amazing, no matter how she came out! Can’t wait to hear about your heavy adoption topics.
I love your “most memorable moments†they made me giggle and cry and just miss the excitement of pregnancy. You are wonder woman and even though it may not feel like it at times, you are strong and amazing and you can do it. You can blog about your pregnancy forever as far as I am concerned, I am just happy to hear from you. Sending you love and support and just a simple hug.
ok i think i type this every single post i make here, but she is sooo adorable!! nice to read your memorable moments about pregnancy and the birth. your yiayia sounds funny- that comment made me laugh! and snow in april- one thing I do not miss!
Hi. Happy one month baby girl!! Looking forward to seeing you again soon. Snow, really? I am in salt lake as you know, and it has snowed, hailed, rained, thundered (is that a word) and is kinda sunny now. Did I mention I didn’t bring a coat? I was looking foward to some warm colo sun tomorrow! I went back and read the baby post, and loved it. I wasn’t reading your blog then.. maybe since I am alone in my hotel room all night I will catch up with all the entries.. much better than tv!!
Love
K
Hey Laur!
Fin is so cute! Your family is adorable. Probably the last chance I’ll get to check your blog until we’re back from CA. I’m glad you are continuing to write about your labor experience — I think it’s good therapy and I don’t think anyone is tired of hearing it. And if they are… they don’t have to read it!!! I hope the breast pump is working out for ya. I have some cool stories to tell you when I get back. Wish me luck! The marathon is Sunday morning in Big Sur. You’re in my thoughts a lot.
Sarah
PS — have you been getting bugged by the ‘08 class for gift money?
The baby is adorable! i have been following your blog for a while, just wondering if you would feel comfortable giving me your password to your Oct-4th, 2007 post. My husband and I are in a similar situation. Hopefully, if Vietnam adoptions continue under new terms we would start the adoption process. And even though we have been trying for a bio child, we havent been deemed infertile, so there could be a good hiccup in our journey. Thanks, i really enjoy checking in on your family!
Love the photos! My daughters are always in pink and my excuse is that it makes them easy to dress…pink goes with pink goes with pink, right? I just read your post on finding out you were pregnant (I love to read stories like that…very touching) and would like to read your sequel/prequel post is possible. Do you plan to unprotect it as well? If not, it would be great if you could send me the password. I’d love to know more about your journey!
Thanks,
Sara
Loved this post. I am catching up on your blog so I had (have) a few questions about the timing of baby #2 & baby #3. Read the imbedded link to a prior post and think I have it now. Can’t wait to read more - would you consider a “retro” post sorta like catching all the new comers us - sorta like a timeline of babies 1 thru 3! My mind spins at the thought of 3 under 2, but if anyone can do it, it’s YOU!
Jamie
I just love your posts…All of them!! I loved your memorable moments…made me happy and sad all at the same time. My “belly baby girl” is now 7 months old and OMG I miss being pregnant. She is pink, pink, pink and I love it. Goes by way too fast! You can go on and on about your pregnancy as far as I’m concerned. It was so awesome to read the post that you unprotected…I have been reading your blog for a while now and that post really brought me up to speed. Thanks!! I can relate so, so well…our adopted son was born in November of ‘06 and we conceived very, very unexpectedly in December ‘06. Very, very rocky road of “infertility”, but knew that we were always going to adopt either way….has never mattered to me how my babies came to be part of our family. So, we are a family of 5 now and things are really just starting to settle down now!! So, there will be a time that you can “come up for air”. Just love your family dynamics and wanted to say thank you for sharing. I think I say that each time I comment…but, reading your blog is my “therapy”. Thank you!! Happy 1 mo. Birthday “FinJin”!! Way too cute…she is stunning!
What a beautiful baby!! Happy One Month Finley!!!
And, as for the postpartum turmoil and emotional healing from the unplanned c-section… I can SOOO relate and felt so out of touch with what really happened for so long (I can still wince at the thought and my “baby” will be 16 next month). It wasn’t until I had a VBAC 28 months later that I let myself really heal from the pain of that unexpected and disappointing turn of events. (Yeah… I skipped the class where they talked about c-sections too) So sorry that you are still feeling the pain of the lost dream of your natural delivery… but you were a champ!
Thanks for continuing to blog during this busy time of adjustment with three under three! Your babies are certainly gorgeous!
Ok, so apparently the forecast changed DRAMATICALLY since I wrote this post last night! High of 60 - no snow! If anyone would like to read the 1 post that is still protected, don’t be shy about emailing me. My email is my name at my blog address dot com. Or drop me a comment. Thanks for the comments, as always.
Oh the cuteness!! It’s too much! How adorable is that dress!? It’s enough to make me ovulate early and get pregnant again just to try for a girl! Something which I think at the moment were leaning towards *not* doing. Unless I suddenly drop a load more weight (that’s the plan either way), and get a totally clean bill of health from the doc, I still have blood pressure issues, so until I’m super svelte and have the health of a race horse then another one is off the cards. But man your cute pics of Finley are seriously making me think I could handle another pregnancy now…!
Wow, has it been a month already?! She is beautiful in her pretty summery dress. “Finjin” - so cute.
ok, i NEVER thought you two would put her in pink:)
but, you know i love it.
I just laugh thinking about you and Travis falling into the pink trap. Funny! She is crazy cute and I just can’t believe that she is already a month old. Wow!
Nevermind my last comment…it’s snowing!
Hey Laurie,
I’m sitting in hanoi….about 2 hours before we leave for our flight to DaNang and I cannot sleep at all.
Just wanted to say happy 1mos to your little girl. She is just too sweet in her sundress….although I am sure she would look just as good in camo and comfortable shoes!
She is just beautiful. Yes, a marathon would be a walk in the park compared to your experience. I so very much wish that you could have had the birth you prepared so much for…but I continue to be thrilled for you that you got your sweet little girl!
p.s. loved the wagon pics of the boys…they are too cute!
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