Best Laid Plans…
It’s finally Laurie typing again. I’m recovering well and wanted to thank all of you for the wonderful support you’ve given me from start to finish. The past 5 or 6 days have been some of the hardest, yet most incredible of my life. The emotional ups and downs are far too much to describe at this point, but I’ll try and relay the experience as best I can. I’ll write it to document our family becoming whole, to get some of these feelings out of me and onto paper, and to share the story with those who have cared enough about us to have read and cheered us along this wild ride. Just so everyone knows, Finley and I are both healthy, and although I have been in a pretty severe amount of pain, I am recovering well from labor and my c-section as best as I can. We opted to keep me at the hospital until tomorrow because it is nearly impossible to keep my little guys from climbing all over me and even more impossible to get any sleep at home. I might be the first person to say that the hospital is far more restful than my own house! I’ve missed my boys terribly, and my being away has been so hard on all of us, but Shane especially. They’ve been coming to visit me daily, and it is very clear that Shane is extremely angry at me. He cannot look at me without crying hysterically, and just sobs in my arms when I try and hold him. So today, I played with him while he was in my mom’s or Trav’s arms and he interacted with me like that - slowly letting me get closer to him. It broke my heart, and that has been one of the hardest parts of all of this. Ok, before I get into all that, I’ll tell you how my dream of a perfect birth came crumbling down. Here’s the recap…
- Friday midday - saw doctor for AFI / NST. Total pregnancy weight gain 51lbs.
- Friday PM - contractions began in evening and continued throughout the night. They were strong, ranged from 7-10 minutes apart, and painful enough that I could not sleep much in between them.
- Saturday AM - contractions died down. Continued having signs of labor all day - light bleeding, heavy mucous occasional contractions.
- Saturday PM - contractions picked up again, more intense than previous night. Ranged from 6-10 minutes apart throughout night. No sleep, thought Easter Sunday would be the day.
- Sunday AM - contractions began to space out slightly until late morning, when things really picked up again. They became increasingly intense. I couldn’t speak through them, had to concentrate on my breathing, and they were ~5-6 minutes apart for much of the evening.
- Sunday PM - contractions continued as they had been throughout late afternoon. Again, labored all night without sleep or rest.
- Monday AM - was SHOCKED that we were still pregnant.
- 10 am: went to our 41 week visit with the midwife and learned I was 5cm dilated, 80% effaced, baby still high at -2-3 station. Had lost 6lbs since Friday’s appt., from laboring so long already. Midwife thought we were in good anterior position for delivery. Told we could go straight to hospital or go home and continue to labor more there until we were ready to come to labor and delivery at hospital for admission.
- 2pm: doula came over to coach us through labor at home. Travis and I continued to breath through my contractions, he massaged my low back pain, I used birthing ball, listened to music, relaxed through the pain.
- 4pm: decided contractions had become more intense. It was time to get to the hospital to avoid showing up in the midst of transition or just before the urge to push; better to have a little time to settle in.
- 4:30pm: in-house midwife checked cervix. Found it to be 7cm, 70-80% effaced, bulging bag of water, baby at -3 station still. We were really proud that we’d been able to labor at home until 7cm
- 4:30 - 10:00pm: labored in hospital labor suite. Used hot tub, shower, birthing ball, walked hallways, doula coached with breathing, position suggestions, massages, etc.
- 10:30pm: started to feel more out of control of the pain - thought/hoped I might FINALLY be in transition. Midwife checked my cervix to find that we were stuck at 7cm, 80% effaced, bulging bag of water, and baby still high -3. Midwife noticed baby was posterior in position and that was the likely reason she was not descending. Suggested some exercises to try to turn baby. Labor at this point was getting more stressful since it had been 6.5hrs of managing painful contractions without any progress towards delivery. Baby’s heart tracing were still looking ok though when I sat at the monitor, so they weren’t in a huge hurry to push me towards any interventions yet, but a few were suggested.
- 12:30am: exhaustion began setting in. I was not feeling in control, nor was I able to truly relax during my contractions anymore. I was becoming more frantic and anxious. Midwife checked my cervix, and still NO progress. Baby was still riding way too high to put enough pressure on my cervix to fully dilate it.
- 1am: growing desperate, willing to try almost anything to reduce chance of medicated or surgical delivery. Decided to try a somewhat experimental procedure, called STERILE WATER PAPULES, which the midwife suggested. No one here had seen it done and only a few people were familiar with it from other institutions. Basically, it entails one of the most painful experiences I have ever had in my life - injecting blebs of water into 4 pressure points in the lower back. The intent is to decrease the back pain due to a posterior facing baby. It’s supposed to provide ~1 hour of back labor relief, during which time, I was supposed to try several positions, which were otherwise VERY painful, to turn the baby anterior. Here’s a picture of the papules. They look just like a PPD (the TB test), but they are exquisitely painful going in. Each one felt like being stung by a hive of bees.
- 1-2:30am: rocked on hands and kness, keeping chest low; lunges; spread hips as far apart as I could while rocking side to side; talked to the baby (or pleaded actually - “come on precious baby…turn sweetie…TURN!”)
- 2:30am: midwife checked me and confirmed the baby had not turned. Still ~7cm, cervix now very swollen, head still riding high at -3. Baby’s heart tracing was not worrisome, although not particularly reassuring anymore either. Decided next intervention was to break my water with a slow leak (to prevent cord prolapse) and have the midwife try to turn the baby manually.
- 2:45am: midwife breaks my water, but attempt to turn baby fails and baby didn’t drop as expected either. So, baby was still posterior, still riding high. Because of our extremely protracted labor, our midwife felt it was time to call the OB attending for a consultation. The OB came in and gave us her opinion, which is that she would have call
ed it a long time ago and cut the baby out. Her advice was if we wanted to wait it out a little bit longer before going to the OR, we could opt for an epidural, get pitocin onboard, and make sure my contractions were adequate enough to change my cervix. Because the epidural was a tool to possibly avoid a c-section, we chose that route. - 3:30am: anesthesiologist attempts epidural. Unable to successfully place epidural and achieve pain control so that pitocin could be increased and contraction strength measured. The worst part about the epidural situation is that I was, at this point, pretty out of control - hadn’t eaten in 2 days, hadn’t slept in 4 nights, and was starting to feel panicky. To place the epidural, I had to sit on the edge of the bed, back hunched over, still. BUT I HAD EXCRUCIATING back labor, so this was a horrible position to be in while they mucked around in my spine, trying to figure out why it wasn’t working.
- 4:30am: anesthesia attending called to re-place the failed epidural. They pulled the first one and then he tried to start over. But…he screwed up and caused a “wet tap,” meaning the large gauge needle that is supposed to be threaded into the epidural space punctured through to the intrathecal space, where my spinal cord is. This puts me at high risk for what’s known as a spinal headache.” Then, he couldn’t figure out exactly where the catheter was sitting - as it epidural or intrathecal? Because he couldn’t tell, the medication dosing was all messed up. So then they didn’t know if they were underdosing, or it just didn’t work altogether. They decided to use it temporarily, while they started pitocin and place a monitor inside my uterus to better measure my contraction strength. The OB also wanted to place a fetal scalp electrode, which is a probe that literally gets screwed into the baby’s scalp to more accurately measure the baby during what was probably a very stressful experience. Travis fought like hell and the midwife and nurse backed him up - they promised to use the external monitors and follow the baby’s heart rate really carefully with each contraction.
- 7am: I continued to be in horrendous pain b/c the 2nd spinal / epidural wasn’t working for crap, so I was feeling every contraction as if it were the worst one ever. Plus, because pitocin was started, they were monitoring me, and my right leg essentially felt like it belonged to someone else’s body, I wasn’t allowed to get up or move. So I had to lay there, laboring on my back, which was HORRIBLE because of my back labor (baby still posterior). OB attending decided to check me again and deemed the baby to still be posterior, at -1 station, and my cervix to still be chillin at 7cm.
- 8-9:30am: reality set in. The OB called it. The baby’s tracings started showing early signs of distress. She’d been pounded around in there long enough and the poor thing was becoming exhausted. At this point, I, too, was incoherent and exhausted. I was falling asleep while people were talking to me, screaming in pain other moments. Totally out of control. A far cry from the laboring woman I was the days previous, breathing through contractions and loving the excitement of impending delivery. The midwives believed my pelvis would have been adequate to birth a decently sized baby in a posterior position. However, if the baby doesn’t descend, you can’t push it out. She was too high up and my cervix would not fully dilate. Therefore, forceps and vacuum weren’t viable alternatives to c-section either.
- At this point, Travis and I stepped aside and consoled each other. Things had gone about as astray from our birth plan as they possibly could have, but we knew we tried everything. We knew everyone had been patient with us and allowed us far more time than any hospital or OB I’ve met elsewhere would have been comfortable with. We felt like we were able to say “we honestly tried everything,” but the only safe choice left was to deliver our baby in the operating room. We both cried. Or sobbed, actually. But it was time and we knew it.
- 10:30am: deliriously in pain; rolled into OR for c-section; still contracting q3 minutes, forced to lay on my back despite severe back labor. New anesthesia attending called to again replace my nonfunctioning spinal/epidural. This is now my 3rd. THIRD epidural in ~7hrs. Again, it was not smooth. Almost instantly, my right side went numb with such a high concentration of meds that I was having trouble using respiratory muscles and needed oxygen. But the left side of my body felt everything. 6 doctors sat around, fully scrubbed in, waiting to perform the section, while the anesthesiologist played around with my epidural. Meanwhile, I had totally lost it and was screaming bloody murder. Travis was in tears because all that kept coming out of my delirious mouth was “Travis, help me!!” I think he was feeling awful and helpless enough and it broke his heart to see me lost control like that and he not be able to do a damn thing to help me. After about 45 minutes of the anesthesia team poking me below the drape with sharp objects and asking “can you feel this,” with me responding consistently “yes” on the left, “no,” on the right, they apologized profusely and said they’d need to use general anesthesia since their 3rd epidural was also not working. My midwife, nurse, and husband pleaded on my behalf…at this point they had to on my behalf b/c I’d screamed so many times they finally had mercy on me and gave me versed and fentanyl…that was right after I’d yelled out “Oh, just put me under already. Knock me the F&(% out!” Travis was like, “uh, she didn’t mean that…but can you please give her something in the meantime for her pain?!” Honestly, the anesthesiologist had the mask about 2 inches from my face, the sterile field was ready, and the OB gave me one last pinch on that left side before they would’ve knocked my out with general. Low and behold, I was numb!!!!
- Everyone took a deep breath. Amazing how almost everything can go wrong, and I still came out feeling victorious because I didn’t end up with a c-section under general anesthesia!! Wow.
- Travis watched and gave me the play-by-play the whole way through. It got very intense in the OR for the few minutes, which felt like hours, when the incision in my uterus had been made and the OBs were trying to pull the baby out. Finley was wedged in there in such a way that they could not get her out. The attending pushed everyone else aside and was nearly shoulder deep in my abdomen, her resident pushing with all her strength from above my uterus downward to try and put traction on the baby. Meanwhile, I was gasping for air because my lungs were being compressed. All that pushing and pulling and my uterus tore in 2 places beyond the incision. The retractors held it open on both sides, but on my right, a tear extended downward from the margin of the incision ~2 inches, and then in the center of the incision, another tear extended downward. I was informed of these after the surgery was complete. They’ve been repaired, but obviously, not a good complication to have.
- When they finally did get the baby out, they held her up for Travis to see so that he could share the gender surprise with me. He just sunk down, eyes flooded with tears, and told me “oh my God Laur, we got our little girl. We have a little girl! I’m so happy and I love you so much.” He cried. I cried. He kissed me. Then we waited until we heard her beautiful little cry, and we cried some more. I asked him “what does she look li
ke?” And all he could say was “she has a buttload of hair on her head!” They handed her to Travis and he rested her on my chest. They let us stay there like that while they sewed me up. We got back to the room and right away, we stripped my gown, put her up to my breast, and watched as she latched on like a pro!
I can’t imagine anyone is still reading this. If you are, thank you. If you skimmed or skipped to the end, don’t worry about it - I just needed to write it all down. I’ll write more about what’s been going on with Shane and Jackson later. For now, it’s time for my next dose of pain meds and Finley is passed out on my chest. I’m going to take them and get some rest. Thank you all for your love and kindness. Your support and encouragement has been instrumental in helping me get through this. I had a huge meltdown today - I’ll share more of that later (has to do with the reality of everything setting in…recovery mostly)- and looking through all the prayerful and uplifting comments was really good for me. Thank you!
Finley couldn’t be more perfect. She looks like her daddy to me, but my mom really thinks she looks like me. We don’t know where they came from, but she has the sweetest little dimples and the big beautiful eyes. They’re gray right now, but being the dorks we are, we’ve figured out she has a 50% chance of brown eyes, 25% chance of green, and 25% chance of blue. So we’ll see. She is so precious, but has a bit of a temper that we’re starting to see already! She has an almost full head of brown hair, Travis skeletor feet with the long 2nd toe, and Travis’ big juicy lips. We’re just totally in love and still in shock we actually have a baby girl!! She’s the tiniest, most petite little thing, and it’s just incredible how she only has to smell me or Travis to be comforted. I couldn’t be a prouder or happier mommy to my 3 kids! And Finley was so worth every second of pain, and so much more.
Subscribe to Posts
113 comments
I’ve never actually commented before, but have followed you blog for some time. You daughter is just beautiful. I hope your recovery goes well and you are able to get settled in at home.
A kiss to Shane…
WTF.OMG.Wow.
I have never *ever* in my *ENTIRE* life read something so scary. I’m actually at a loss for words. I read the whole thing by the way - I couldn’t tear myself away. I’ve never heard of those water papule things before but holy sh*t. Well yeah, holy sh*t is all I can say at this point.
Two things…
1) I’m relieved that you and Baby L are recovering well - and that things are looking good from here on out. I sincerely hope your complications do not present any problems for you, and that everything heals well.
2) I’m more convinced than ever that my elective c-section is the way to go (never really doubted it but this confirms it for me) and there is no way in hell I could ever put myself through what you just did. I just can’t. No way.
I’m totally in awe of the lengths you went to to try and have natural birth, but holy sh*t. Yeah. That about sums up my most descriptive feeling!!
Laurie you did SO well!
You and Travis can be proud of that!
I have given birth 5 times, so I followed every word of your story, feeling for you completely!
I’m glad you wrote it all out! It must feel better getting all of that crazy story out!
I’m sorry about the tears in your uterus, and hope that your recovery is thorough and speedy.
I’ll be thinking of you and Shane especially in the days ahead.
I’m so glad you guys ‘got your little girl’ :o)
((hugs)) and well done girl!
Ruth in New Zealand
I am EXTREMELY proud of you for doing whatever you could to keep to you birthplan. I’m glad in the end it all worked out for the best and you now have your perfect family. Complete. She is gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous
Laure,
You are not the first person to say the hospital is more restful than your own home! When you’ve got little ones at home and have just been through what you have been through, staying longer is a good call. You need your rest. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out as you hoped and planned. My first labor was very similar to yours — started on a Thursday and didn’t deliver until Sunday night. It was horribly exahusting and painful and stressful and I wound up agreeing to things I wouldn’t have otherwise. In the end I was pretty lucky though since the epidural (which I got Sunday) took and I didn’t have a c-section. No, the emergency c-section came with the third pregnancy. I hope you are not beating yourself up over the way things happened. You did everything you could. Everything. And now you have your beautiful little girl.
Oh Laurie, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes: what an emotional experience to read about. You are such a trooper- an amazing woman (with an amazing husband and children). I am pretty sure most women (including me) could not endure what you did. But your daughter was the perfect end result. Finley is one stubborn little girl! But oh so precious!
I am sure having you gone is hard on Shane and Jackson. However, I just know you and Travis will handle it as best you can and will make the adjustment a smooth one for the little guys. You will have such a wonderful family of 5!
Congratulations! I am so happy for all of you!
Laur-
Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I read this. I am so sorry.
I don’t know if you read your email, but on Monday between 1:30 my time and 1:44(when I looked at the clock) I really felt like I was to pray for your and Finley’s safety. Now I know why.
I am praying for Shane & Jackson. And you and Travis- for peace, for NO REGRETS, not about the birth, the 3 babies under 2, the recovery; not any of it. For God to meet Shane in his place of anger, fear and lack of understanding.
BTW- my dh has you on RSS feed at work and was as invested as me(or close) in all of this!
Wow, all I can say is that that is the most intense (awful sounding) labor that I have ever heard of. Thank you, Laurie and Travis, for sharing it all with us and I promise if I ever get pregnant I’m calling you!
I’m so happy you have your little girl and your family is doing well. I pray that Shane forgives you being gone. Hopefully you’ll be able to nestle both of them close and he will forget you were gone.
Congrats again on doing a great job! As I said before, you are a mama machine.
Enjoy your little girl.
Erica
*faints after READING birth story*
But oh my, Miss Finley is precious. Congratulations!!
Laurie and Travis,
The two of you endured quite a bit and you should be proud of yourselves. Like you said Laurie, you did everything you knew you could do. You are one amazing woman! I’m sending prayers Shane’s way!
Laurie and Travis,
The two of you endured quite a bit and you should be proud of yourselves. Like you said Laurie, you did everything you knew you could do. You are one amazing woman! I’m sending prayers Shane’s way!
Oh Laurie
I read your story and it reminded me SO much of mine with my first child. When I got to the hospital after 2 days of labor I was 7cm dilated and the midwife said that the baby would be here soon. As soon as they broke my waters there were the obvious signs of distress (miconium) and they had to put elecrodes on her head to monitor her. 12 hours later and an unsuccessful epidural (just my legs went numb!) I was in agony and completely disorientated with lack of sleep and constant pain everywhere, including my back. Eventually emergency caesarean after being in the hospital for 14 hours. Had to have a general anesthetic though, and when I awoke something had gone wrong with the pain meds they had given me. They didn’t work and I started screaming in pain. I felt as though someone had ripped me apart (well, they had I guess!). By the time I saw my daughter she was dressed, and I couldn’t move to hold her. Back in my room I asked my husband to undress her because I wanted to see her naked.
I vowed never to go through that again, but 5 years later gave birth to my son. It was a textbook birth! No pain meds and no stitches and I have birth on all fours.
Finlay is absolutely beautiful and I love the name! Give the boys a kiss fronm me and I wish you all the luck in the world when you get home with 3 kids after major surgery! Thank heavens Travis is home with you!!!!
Love
Debbie
Holy Cow! All I can say is you ROCK girl. I read the whole thing, couldn’t tear myself away with tears running down the face. You all did a great job and Travis was a wonderful support you are really lucky. I am so glad you are all recovering well. I love the pictures!! Hugs to all those cutes!
You were so brave! I can’t even imagine how painful all of that was. Finley is gorgeous.
Laurie - Hang in there GIRL! The hormones literally fly after birthing a baby and they will calm down by next week. After my 1st, I cried so hard when my mom left us when our little one was 6 days old. I was so afraid I was going to drop him or something else that I was SURE I wasn’t going to be able to handle. You did an amazing job and Finley is lucky to have such wonderful persistent and courageous parents! Shane will rebound, our 2nd did when the 3rd came along. It took him a little time and I gave him the space he wanted. When he was ready, it was like no time was missed. Wishing the 5 of you a happy reuniting and the least-possible-exhausting return home.
WOW Laurie,
What an incredible story. So intense, I cannot imagine going through that! YOU are such a trooper! I hope these next few weeks are alright. Just remember now is as hard as it gets with these 3 little ones, it will only get easier as they get older (except for maybe the teenage years)
The way Shane is acting is just like Taylor, she was so mad at me and still such a baby I felt so bad for her. She used to bite the new baby’s foot while I was nursing. My twins were 11 months when the new baby came home and we had only had them home from Vietnam for a few months. So I understand how hard it can be if you ever need to vent! It really is a balancing act trying to give them all what they need. They are now 6 mos and 18 mos and it is HEAVEN!!!!! Good Luck, if you can survive these next few months(and based on that birth experience I know you can!), you can do anything.
Way to go. You are amazing!
Natalie
Amazing, emotional story. I cried. I hope your recovery is fast, and you enjoy every moment with your new family. Your daughter is precious.
Laurie,
That was an amazing story and a tearful one at that. Sounds like you endured way more than I could even imagine. You are a trooper. Congratulations to you and your family. She is absolutely beautiful. Once you get home things will get back to a little different normal, but the boys will adjust quickly. You have had so much transition already that you will know how to handle it. You are an amazing person and have an amazing husband. Prayers for a quick recovery.
Cheryl
Congrats! and i want to wish you a speedy recovery. Thank you soo much for sharing your story (in detail). It is amazing what you endured. I love reading your blog, and often check in 2 x’s a day. It is very nice that you are so open with sharing your experiences. Congrats Mommy & Daddy!
Congratulations! Sending good thoughts your way for a quick recovery….
Finley is gorgeous!
HOLY MOLY! You are some kind of woman…that’s all I can say! I’ll be praying for your recovery and the family transition.
P.S. I think your story has convinced me to adopt all of our children.
Wow. I wish you a speedy recovery. Congrats again!
Damn, girl! You are my hero! I hope you continue to heal and and recover to the fullest! I’ll keep you in my thoughts…as always…you have 3 beautiful children and I couldn’t be happier for you! (((hugs)))
Laurie, You are officially my hero! I read the whole thing and am sitting in my office crying! Congratulations again. Finley is so precious! And you and Travis are so sweet to each other. Such tender, precious moments! Thank you for sharing!
Dear Laruie and Travis,
I will continue to pray. Hang in there.
She is absolutely beautiful. Thank God you are all ok and doing well. I know I said it before, I had 3 C sections and know a lot of what yor are talking about the epidural, the tugging to get the baby out, however, you labored a very long time, the other things you endured and you did an amazing job. I am glad to hear you are taking pain meds. It is best so you can rest and recover. I will be praying for the boys. My oldest had a hard time when number 2 came because they were 2.5 years apart. When number three came there was a 4 year difference, so one and two hung together. I am sure when and if Hannah comes it may be a bit of a change for Ryan my youngest because he has been the baby for so long, however, he is older and loves to hang with his brothers.
I love her beautiful name and she is absolutely beautiful.
I read every word.
ps we are waiting to see what happens with our I 600 since there is the big delay / inability to process it in QN. I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions too, not knowing if we will get her after waiting over 6 months with her referral. We are trusting God and waiting to see.
You are unbelievable…in a very good way
And you get Mother of the Year for this year and the next 100!!! Just reading your story makes me want to sleep for days….good luck 
The boys will be fine-take the time you need with Finley!!
Ow ow ow! It was much worse than I imagined! I’m sorry!! Such a roller coaster of feelings. Shane will soon forgive you, he loves his mama so much. Finley is so beautiful! Love you guys!
Thanks for taking the time to write all of this and share it with your adoring public! I can’t even imagine the horrors of that labor and delivery. And, I’m going to make my husband read it so he can better understand why I NEVER want to be pregnant!!!! Yikes. Wishing you a speedy recovery and your family a quick and painless “settling in” phase. Can’t wait to hear about your adventures as a mommy of three little ones.
You are one strong woman (and mama).
OMG! What an amazing story! Thank you for sharing that with us! I am so sorry you had to endure SO MUCH PAIN. You are amazing. And Travis sounds like he was the perfect birth partner.
Finley is beautiful! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SWEET BABY GIRL!!!
I’m so inspired by your truthfulness and strength! Thank you for not holding back on the details. Ya’ll are in our prayers!!! Hope all remains well and you recover quickly!!
I had to stop reading several times in order to wipe away all the tears. You are a champion!
I am so excited for you and Travis…your little girl is absolutely precious! And over time, those boys are going to adore her! I had two older brothers and would not change it for the world!! They threatened many guys on my behalf (including my husband many times) and I cherish our relationship more than anything. I am just so excited for all of you!!!
Praying for a quick recovery!
Laurie, I am crying my eyes out right now. Lucy is watching Elmo but keeps saying, “Cry? Cry?” I keep saying this, but you are amazing Laur. I CANNOT imagine going through any of that. I love how passionate you were about trying every single option available before the c-section. Most people (myself definitely included) would have screamed to get that baby out days earlier. I cannot believe what you endured. You can say with all of the pride in the world that you did everything in your power plus a whole lot more to achieve having that precious baby girl naturally. She just was not going to cooperate. Welcome to the world of mothering a daughter!! Finley just wanted to go ahead and establish who was boss IMMEDIATELY. Just watch, in such a short amount of time, she will have every single one of you wrapped around her tiny little finger - especially her dad and big brothers!
About Shane, I know how hard this is for you. He will bounce back. It is so sad when you know that they are confused. If it makes you feel any better, Lucy went through some similar stuff when Justin had to go back on the road after we got home from Vietnam. She was clearly angry with him when he would show back up. She is totally in LOVE with her daddy now and bounced back really quickly. And she had to get used to Justin coming and going (for LONG periods of time) nonstop. Once you get home, Shane will be fine. It may take a few days, but he will be just fine again.
Try and relax. I know you are entering into a stressful new phase, but it will all work itself out. I loved what Jena said about having NO regrets. It all happened the way it was supposed to. Love you all and praying for a speedy recovery and quick transition for everyone in your family.
Don’t worry about it right this second, but I need your address.
Laurie~ You are such an amazingly strong woman! I hope that you will come to a place of peace that you and Travis truly did try every option available. The newest Good crew member is gorgeous! I will be praying for all of you, but especially you and sweet Shane.
Wow. There are no words. You can be so proud of working so hard to do a natural birth, you hung in there way longer than any mere mortal I could imagine! And Finley is breathtakingly beautiful! I hope you heal quickly and I hope that little Shane relaxes for you soon!
Be proud of yourself for fighting through incredible pain and exhaustion to do the very best you could for your child. And I’m so glad the hospital team gave you the time to make choices on your own terms. Nothing ever turns out exactly the way we want it to - the adoption process taught us that! - but now you have your beautiful, stubborn daughter. Take time to recover as much as you can, settle in as slowly as possible, and snuggle up to sweet Shane. He’s just jealous because his little sister has gotten all the attention on the blog lately
Thankful that you and Finley are both safe and well. I really like her name, and she is a beautiful baby. I know that you have Travis feel blessed beyond measure.
Although, I wanted to say that I understand. On one hand you are so thankful that you have a baby, but on the other hand you are grieving the way “it was supposed to be.” At the same time trying to come to grips with your tramatic ordeal, recover from intense pain, and yet still feel so much happiness. It really is a major mixture of extreme emotions.
I had a c-section at 25 weeks gestation due to HELLP syndrome. I delivered a 1lb 13 oz boy who then stayed 2 1/2 months in the NICU. At the time, I was so thankful that my baby was still alive and that I had lived too. Yet, letting go of the idea of my perfect pregnancy and delivery was hard. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I did everything right.
I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s OK to grieve the way it was supposed to be. It doesn’t diminish the amount of thankfullness you feel for delivering a healthy baby girl. It’s something that you just work through.
I have to say that I read every word and was horrified when I got to the part of putting you under. I was relieved as I kept reading.
Congratulate Travis. He needs a major pat on the back. Hugs to you Laurie. Each day will get a little easier. Hopefully, once you’re home Shane will feel more secure. Take care!
Laurie and Travis, I am just amazed at all you’ve been through. I really teared up reading through the whole birth experience. Lots of love for your family coming from the Bostonians.
CONGRATS Laurie and family! What a beautiful baby girl!!!
You are one strong mama!!! Just look at what you went through to bring that baby girl into the world!
My third birth has many similarities to yours (persistant posterior, stuck at 7 cm with baby floating so high and wedged up in my pelvis, etc) and wasn’t the birth that I planned either. We were a homebirth transport.
If you need to, take the time to grieve your birth. Sometimes it’s really hard to come to terms with a birth that didn’t go as planned. You endured sooo much all to give your daughter the best start in life. And you did just that. You gave her the best start in life:)
Enjoy your babymoon!!!!
Read every word too… brought back so many painful memories of my own emergency c-section. Be prepared to mourn the loss of that perfect birth experience for the postpartum period… it was a toughie. But, you are blessed with your wonderful husband, Travis, to get you through it… and the end result (which I constantly reminded myself) is a BEAUTIFUL baby girl… a true miracle!
You were around some amazing people during your birth… sounds like you had wonderful care (with the exception of anesthesia) from your midwife, OB and doula. Enjoy your extra day in the hospital… such a smart thing to do. The busy days of a mommy to three are ahead. Sending huge hugs out to your precious Shane… his little world has been rocked with the disappearance of his perch and the arrival of his little sister… I have no doubt that you and Travis will do everything you can to make the transition as easy as possible for him.
PS… I know you have probably thought about it, but will you be nursing both babies? May be just what little Shane needs to be close to his mommy.
Laurie, RIVITING!! I was fighting back tears, what you endured..increadable! What a great mommy you are…and to have endured what you did, just inspiring! Here is to a speedy recovery!
Have you been told today how strong you are?? You rock Laurie..are you kidding me?? I read every word, bit by bit! She is so beautiful and you and Travis’ perserverance is a testimonial to your uncondtional love to your children. I know your birth plan did not play out as planned, but you have a beautiful, healthy princess and 2 awesome hunka hunka burning loves, so you ARE blessed immeasurably!! I do understand that you will need to grieve the loss of the “how it should have gone” and it is easy to feel conflicted over the happiness that everyone expects from you…but time is HUGE!! Bless Shane’s little heart…I can relate….our son(domestic adoption) was just 10 mo. old when we brought home our baby girl…he was such a little turkey, he would bang her on her head when I would be nursing and he was oh, so angry with the momma!! How dare I leave him and not return home for 4 days??!! But, it all worked itself out and we are thriving and thrilled to be parents to 3(8yr. old, 16mo. old, and 6mo. old). Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and letting us take a peek at your life. You and Travis are way TOO cute…he rocks as a birthing partner, way to stick to your guns on what you guys both wanted. You went above and beyond!! Finley is gorgeous!! Rest, rest, rest!! Way to go with the breastaurant!!!
WOW - what an amazing story! I can’t believe everything you went through, I guess Finley wanted her own exciting story to compete with her brothers!
You and Travis are such fantastic parents already, I know you guys are going to come through this transition and your family will end up even stronger in the end. Good luck, I’m sure it will be hard, but oh so worth it.
OK, I am totally crying now–started with the pics of your back…oh my goodness. I am so sorry for all of the pain you endured, and I know how difficult it was for Manny to see me in that pain with L.–I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for Travis with his knowledge–you have a good man there girl, I’m sure it must be a terrible feeling to see your wife in agony and worry about her and baby and also still have to keep your head in the game and be a good advocate.
I just can’t get over the whole epidural mess and am so frustrated for you reading that part–grrrr…nothing to do about it now, but that part just sucks!!!!!!
I remember the pain of back labor–I was 33 weeks, so couldn’t have an epidural or walk–was stuck on my back in the bed, plus on mag so that added to the fun, but I only did it for 12 hrs. and was incoherent and delusional and freaking my husband out…you are one tough cookie to have endured what you did for so long.
Well she didn’t get here the way she had hoped, but you hung in there like a champion, and when you couldn’t anymore Travis stepped up in such a big way–I am sooooooo thankful for you that you didn’t have to be knocked out–for a second I thought that was going to happen…how wonderful that you were able to experience that moment together!!!!!!!!!!
She is just absolutely gorgeous!!!!!! I will be praying along with Jena for Shane’s adjustment. I can sort of understand how hard that is with our situation here (well except that I’m not recovering from major surgery after days of labor and don’t have a baby attached to my boobs!)…but you have given him a baby sister which is a wonderful gift even if he is mad about it now….
Also praying for your pain–I know how painful it is, I am sure those tears didn’t help…yikes!
You are a beauitful mommy and family, and it will be a transition for sure, but you can do it together!!!! So happy for you!
lots of love from all of us.
p.s. even having read this, and having recovered from both c-section and vag. birth, I would do everything possible to avoid a section, just like you did.
Holy cow! I am truly in awe that you endured all of that. That was quite the roller coaster just reading so I really can’t even come close to imagining what it was like to live it. Hope you have an extremely speedy recovery and get lots and lots of rest!
Laur, I love you so much and I’m so proud that you’re my sister. I wish I was there to be a helping hand, but I guess the reality of that one is that I’m just another big kid in the mix. Hang in there and I’ll be keeping you and your family in my prayers. Love you,
Alex
I Just want you to know I am thinking of you and praying for a fast recovery. You endured an unimaginable amount of pain I am also in complete awe of you. I can’t imagine the emotions your are experiencing right now. Hang in there, you are one of the strongest women I have ever ‘met’ in my life. Lots of ((((hugs))))
I’ve never experienced birth, but it sounds like you were a TROOPER and endured more than most. Congratulations again. Finley is gorgeous and I agree, she looks like Travis right now. Good luck with a speedy recovery.
I cannot believe how strong willing and courageous you are Laurie! I don’t think I could have endured all this, I would most certainly have asked for anything to stop the pain way before. Thanks for sharing it with us. This is definitely a life experience you had.
I hope everything will settle fine and that the boys and especially Shane can find some peace and enjoy their sister and parents.
Take care of you and your beautiful family. Way to go to your wonderful husband too.
Oh Laurie. Wow. You know I think that having a difficult birth situation is doubly hard because I think there is something with the postpartum hormones that imprints the birth experience in our minds in a heightened way. I didn’t have a difficult birth- but it still replayed in my mind again and again and again afterwards- and even the minor stressful moments loomed large to me. I had never before really understood people’s need to write out their birth stories and talk about them- but as soon as I had my babe I wanted to do the same. So I’m glad you were able to write it all down and I hope you’re able to process it out loud with friends and family over these next few days.
Those hormones are difficult in general - I sobbed uncontrollably every evening- always around 5 pm-for a couple weeks after I had my baby- (the postpartum equivalent of sundowning!)
My mother-in-law always talks about the woman in their town who had 8 boys who would always say the best times of her life were when she was in the hospital after each birth…
Here’s to fast healing, Shane’s adjustment and to your beautiful baby girl!
What an awesome story you will have to tell to baby Finley when she is grown and having her first baby too. Wow! I can not believe what you had to go through. Saying prayers here that the spinal headache goes away soon. I have had one following a c-section.
God Bless you all and like others have said do not worry about the boys…they will both love having you home and will ADORE their new sister.
Carla and family
Hi Laurie & family,
Wow. Unreal. You have been through so much and though I don’t know you, I already was so in awe of you - now even more so. I totally echo Natalie’s sentiments and can relate to what you’re going through with Shane. Emmanuel was 10 months old and had only come home from VN two months prior when Sebastian was born. The transition was tough but it does get MUCH better. When you first bring a newborn home, everything seems eternal - the emotions, the feedings, the time spent away from your other children (and the guilt associated with that) - but things do get better sooner than you realize. You are in my thoughts and prayers and know that you are not alone in what you’re feeling. Congratulations - you are so blessed! :o)
Laurie,
I can’t believe you’d be surprised that anyone would still be reading to the end… Sweetie, we are all on the edge of our seats wanting to hear your amazing story! I feel proud beyond belief of all you endured, of Travis’ support, and of the fact that- even though you were willing to go through such unbearable circumstances to accomplish your goals- you didn’t hesitate to lay those goals aside when it was no longer in the best interest of the baby. You set aside everything you’d hoped for to keep your baby safe- and THAT’S the important thing, Sweetpea, you DID deliver a safe, healthy baby! That’s the heart of a true Mama- doing what’s best for your child, and you did! I’m so sorry things went so far astray from what you had hoped for, but Finley’s here now and all you went through to get her here is something to always be proud of!
As far as the Shane situation goes, I had a very similar experience with one of my bio children when I had to have a surgery to make repairs from his birth. He was 3 mos. old and wanted nothing to do with me when I came home. He almost seemd afraid of me, definitely not trusting me, and most definitely mad! He preferred pre-pumped breat milk, in a bottle from his dad over me, even after I could start nursing again. He would turn his head away from the breat and scream- no matter how hungry he was, then immediately calm down and start eating when Daddy took him again. I was so heartbroken. Soon he was back to his normal self, though. It was very emotional and very hard, but it worked out OK. I realize, OF COURSE, there are other issues involved with an IA baby over a bio one, but I’m just trying to say that I bet you’ll see things return to normal soon. Don’t stress over it too much until you get home and give it a few days- give HIM a few days to readjust. IA babies are incredibly resilient little dudes. I just know it will all work out, but give him time! I’ll be sending prayers your way, for quick healing, and for Shane, and for a smooth adjustment for the whole family to the new addition.
When you get home, please be good to yourself and take it easy. Don’t push yourself so hard. I’m the c-section master, after having 4 of those suckers. Recovery can’t be rushed! Thank God you have Travis and your family’s support. Let them do everything for a while.
Did you see my comment the other day about my favorite t shirt? Instead of sending you my Wonder Woman t shirt, I decided to send Wonder Woman a t shirt with YOU on it. You are one awesome Mama!
God bless you and Finley. You have a beautiful family. Congratulations!!!
Laurie, I am so amazed at your strength and tenacity throughout this whole process - you totally inspire me. I’ve been addicted to your blog long before this and yes, I read every word (and I’m crying now!) I’m not a parent yet, but my prayers are with your family for Shane’s adjustment (which I am sure will improve when you’re home - he’s just such a little guy), your healing, and peace/time to enjoy your five in the weeks before Travis has to start his rotations.
(On a side note, I really hope you don’t have a spinal headache - those are horrible. If you do, try to get a blood patch before you leave the hospital…my only words of (unsolicited) advice.
It is amazingly effective!!)
Thank you so much for sharing your story here! Rachel
Laurie, I am so amazed at your strength and tenacity throughout this whole process - you totally inspire me. I’ve been addicted to your blog long before this and yes, I read every word (and I’m crying now!) I’m not a parent yet, but my prayers are with your family for Shane’s adjustment (which I am sure will improve when you’re home - he’s just such a little guy), your healing, and peace/time to enjoy your five in the weeks before Travis has to start his rotations.
(On a side note, I really hope you don’t have a spinal headache - those are horrible and they can last for weeks, which is the LAST thing you need at this point given the surgery recovery and three little ones at home! If you do have the headache, try to get a blood patch before you leave the hospital…my only words of (unsolicited) advice.
It is amazingly effective!!)
Thank you so much for sharing your story here! Rachel
OOPS, sorry - I posted twice. You have so much traffic that it slows down Wordpress!!! (And I decided to edit the comment in round 2!)
Congratulations again!
rachel
Hi Laurie and Travis-
Man- You are one awesome couple!!! I have been watching your blog since you were in Vietnam this past December and you are both an inspiration. Laurie- You have one hell of a pain tolerance!! We live here in Denver and we also are currently in the process of adopting from Vietnam and currently in the rat race to get all of the paperwork in place. If you need anything- help, company, meals- PLEASE let me know!!! Your family is just incredible. Congratulations!!!
Jen Mayes
I too, like many others had tears in my eyes reading your birth story. You, Travis and little Finley endured so much…. and have now passed through to the other side to join your two little boys and to grow as a family. Birth is one amazing and powerful event, full of mystery. It is a process that we have little control over. We all hope and pray for the simple birth, with no complications, but in the end all that matters is a healthy momma and baby. Each of your children’s stories of how they entered into your family to be your child is a unique and wonderful tale, one that will be told over and over again. A story that is so personal, no two tales are alike. Congratulations!
Of course I read the entire story. I couldn’t break away and as I’m sure many others who have read it I too cried. My mother was a midwife for 20 years and I grew up where natural birth was the “only” choice. Your attempt at your “perfect” birth is another testament to your incredible strength. Nevermind the C-section (easy for me to say as I sit here whole with no stitches). What you endured is far more than most will ever encounter in life. Don’t EVER question your strength. You wrote a post awhile ago about your decision to take time off from medicine and the stresses of doing so along with all that is going on in your life. You seemed to doubt yourself then. If that ever happens again, you doubting yourself, go back and reread this post you have just written. What you have done is proof that you (and Travis) are unstoppable. Each time I check in on your blog I read how you and Travis have once again done something so amazing most wouldn’t deem it possible. You two make the impossible possible.
Many blessings to you, Travis and the kids.
OMG Laurie, I am so proud of you! I thought I had a crazy birth story with my first, but I had nothing on you. I am so sorry y’all had to go through all of that, but of course its worth it all in the end for that beautiful little girl! And I love the name! I know things will be crazy hard over the next few months as y’all settle into a routine, but you guys can totally do this!
Laurie I am so proud of you!! You did such an amazing job trying to carry out your birth plan. I hope that you find solace in the fact that you did everything you could. You have such a beautiful, strong, healthy baby girl!! Finley is so perfect. How magical it is to look at all of her little fingers and her sweet face. I am so incredibly happy for you and Travis!! Your story made me cry three times. I am incredibly happy for you and your family. Hang in there!! I am praying for you and your healthy recovery. You are making all of the best decisions with resting and giving yourself the opportunity to heal-up prior to going home. Hugs~~ Heather & Tom
How could anyone not have read that entire outpourin gof dedication, love and endurance? I am SOBBING. Thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring beyond measure and we feel for you as you’ve endured every step of the process. Love to you and your family and special comfort for Shane who is understandably confused. Luckily he has a mother who is capable of great things the first of which must be — abundant love. Best wishes and prayers for a healthy recovery. Good lord, what a story.
Uh, yeah, I read it word-for-word twice and cried both times. I knew you and your family were amazing before this, but after all this that is a vast understatement. Jena is right - I think right about the time a lot of us were feeling very worried and uneasy about not having an update is exactly when you were undergoing the final, toughest steps, so hopefully all of us praying, crossing our fingers, etc. helped a bit. Finley is beautiful and I know when all the dust settles you will all move forward as an amazing family. I am just so glad that though things did not go even close to how you planned and hoped that you are both ok. I’m sure things will be overwhelming for a while (geez, I’ve been overwhelmed by a newborn and I didn’t go through all that nor do I have two little boys to take care of too!) but you will do great with it. I think Finley is going to have a stubborn streak and a mind of her own, but you also have about the most powerful “do you know what I went through to have you” story to hold over her that anyone could have!
Continuing to send good thoughts your way as you head home and wrap your brain around it all…
Hey lady- I have recovered from crying, sweating and having to have my head between my legs out of nausea so I can now honestly tell you I am so proud to know you. I would have crumbled within the first night of back labor (I think this must be the reason I wanted to adopt so badly, someone somewhere knew I would be a mess). Look at all you endured and you got a girl! She is gorgeous. And Shane is probably just wondering why you were around for so long and then gone for so many days. He will come around once you get home and can maybe try and feel back to normal (?).
Please call me the minute you need anything. If you want us to take Jack and Shane or “just jack” holler. Cass would love to see him!
Much love to you, I can’t stop crying.
Kyn
Ahh yes, the best laid plans indeed. Exactly how I felt after my daughters birth and it wasn’t nearly as crazy as your story. I cannot believe all that you went thru. It’s astounding. YOU are astounding. Amazing. Unbelievable.
Know that the meltdowns, the tears, the shock, the letdown of a plan gone awry, even a bizarre detachment from the birth - it’s all normal. Medically, you can know detail in the world and have a full grasp on what has happened but that doesn’t always connect emotionally. Emotionally it’s a whole different roller coaster that nobody can explain or prepare you for. And it’s all so exhausting! It’s difficult to process for a good while.
Finley is BEAUTIFUL!!! She certainly knows how to make an entrance. She is a lucky little girl to have arrived in such an amazing family. Congratulations to a beautiful (inside and out) family!
Oh gosh, Laurie, I am sitting here crying. You guys went through SO much and you handled it all like such a champ! More than that, you handled it like a true hero. I can only imagine how much your heart must have broken when told you couldn’t give birth the way you wanted, and I can definitely imagine the pain Travis must have been in seeing you that way. It’s completely normal for you to have to process those feelings from the birth especially since so much happened, and so much was traumatic. Do you have a traumatic birth support group around where you live? They can be a great resource to help you through your feelings, if you ever feel the need. In the meantime, rest as much as you can, and just worry about getting back on your feet. Jackson, Shane and everyone else will be okay - the important thing is for you to get better so you can get back to being yourself.
It’s all going to work out, Laurie.
I am so happy for you guys, because you got the best possible outcome from this birth that you could have - your gorgeous Finley.
Enjoy her, and your young family. I’ll be thinking of you guys!
Best wishes,
Sandy
WOW. actually your birth story is somewhat similar to mine. my baby was “sunny-side up” and needed 3hrs. of pushing before they had to do an emergency C-section. but with #2, they messed up my epidural (they gave it to me at 10cm!!!) and it got stuck in too far, so i had the spinal migraine you were talking about
i did have a successful VBAC the 2nd time, but i was trying to go all the way natural… then my midwife left *just* as things started to pick up FAST!!! (she didn’t realize that would happen, i’d been in labor all day and things were going slooowwww). so then like as soon as she left, i all of a sudden BAM! went into transition and PANICKED and BEGGED FOR MERCY!!! LOL and the anesthiologist & nurse were arguing because i was begging for pain medication, and the anesth. said i was too far along, already 10cm. really they shouldn’t have given me 1 that far along!!! when the midwife came back, it was too late. then i was numb *up to my neck* and couldn’t feel a THING for a couple hours… then we all just waited & waited until i could re-gain any sense of sensation down there!!!
but i will say your experience was kind of like both of mine combined (different aspects) and then some… i’m SO SORRY!!! i know with post-birth raging hormones, u can feel even more upset about everything. the “baby blue” so to speak, on top of a traumatic birth experience… and you are in pain. i SO know that pain!!! i had an especially complicated C-section recovery my 1st time, i have never felt such pain in my life!!! i had gas trapped in my stomach too with nowhere to go, SO painful!!! since you’re med. students, you’ll know what i’m talking about… i had to have like *3* “Harrison flushes” ewwwwwwwwwwww : ( it was the only way to get any kind of relief from the *excruciating* pain.
sorry this got so long! but each day gets better and 1 day it will be a foggy memory… you will watch your daugther grow & become a beautiful little girl, and the trauma of the experience will fade… u did a *great* job and those “water bubble” things freaked me out!!! oh yeah, and i also got a “blood patch” during my 2nd labor, b/c the epidural went in too far and they said it will help u not get the spinal migraine. for those who don’t know, that’s where they take blood out of 1 part of your body, and inject it into the lower back to “fill up the space” that was basically “missing” b/c of the epi. going in too far. now THAT was EXCRUCIATING pain… and i STILL got the spinal migraine but luckily only for like a week, not a month like some women!!!!!!!!!
so yes, i CAN relate to what you’ve gone through, that’s why i can *especially* emphasize and i’m soooooooooo sorry
but just look at the prize!!! 
I’m so glad you are both safe and sound. I think staying in the hospital when you have 2 boys under 2 is a very good idea, milk that rest for all it’s worth
(pardon the milk pun 
)
I hope Shane feels consoled that you are home to stay soon!
(((BIG HUGS))) you are doing great!!
I am totally proud of you! You have shown enormous strength in bringing this beautiful baby girl into the world. It breaks my heart that Shane cannot understand what is happening. I hope that you get lots of quality time with your boys when you get home.
I read it…every word. And cried, which may sound nuts, because you don’t know me at all. I have a 6-week old baby girl and having just been through labor myself, I just know how painful it is. To think that you went through it for so long and tried everything you did just amazes me. I would have given up…99.9999% of women would have. You are truly amazing! The only problem now is that you may have a very stubborn girl on your hands…but that may be a good thing. The world needs strong women, and Finley seems to be on that path already. All the very best to you from a little family in Boston that has been following your journey…
Did you name her Finley or Finally? I am so sorry you had such a hard time. I have known several people who had really tough times like this during labor. It took my dear sister months to come to some sort of closure that such things could happen to her, and she had prepared with the best laid plans. You did do a good job and you did end up with a wonderful little baby. Don’t push yourself too hard for the next few months. Give yourself a lot of room for getting your head and body back together. I don’t think many people realize that people who just give birth are all over the place for a while and that is OK, and part of the process, but it takes a while to get back to new normal.
Seriously I was crying reading this, you have to be the strongest woman I know. But Finley is adorable and I am glad you are both doing well!
This made me cry for you! What a difficult time, but you said it best… little Finley is worth every minute of the pain! Take care of yourself!
You poor, poor baby. That was one of the hardest labors I’ve ever heard about. My first labor was really hard but I wasn’t fighting meds so much… I actually regret getting the first med (drawing a blank on what it was called) - it was supposed to “relax” me but it made me feel like I was in a fog and I hated that feeling. Loved the epidural though - I had none of the issues you had, I sure wouldn’t love them if I had! But it was long and hard and I actually think I had a bit of post-traumatic stress for a good 6 months afterward - couldn’t think about my labor without just feeling panicky and like crying. I just wanted you to know, it’s probably a common reaction to that kind of really scary, out of control experience. Don’t be hard on yourself - you did an AMAZING job - and what a beautiful daughter you have now!!
Laurie- I, also, have never commented but am an avid reader of your blog. I have followed your story this last week and I want you to know I think you are amazing. All three of your children are incredible and very very blessed to have you and Travis as their parents. I look forward to following your continuing journey through parenthood as you so eloquently blog about your experiences. For now, rest up and enjoy your quiet in the hospital. Love, Erin L.
She is absolutely beautiful! I can’t imagine going through everything that you went through. I hope that things calm down at home soon so you can get some rest and get everyone settled in.
She is absolutely beautiful! I can’t imagine going through everything that you went through. I hope that things calm down at home soon so you can get some rest and get everyone settled in. I hope your pain is better soon.
Amazing. I can’t believe there’s anyone who didn’t finish reading your account. I have to admit that I did get woozy a couple of times and had to take a break to apply a cold washcloth to my forehead, but I came right back to finish reading as soon as I was able :). As disappointed as you must feel at having your plans fall apart, I can hear the joy in your writing. What a beautiful family! Congratulations!
laurie,
i have said it before, but you are THE strongest person i know.
jackson, shane and little finley are lucky little kids to have you and trav as role models.
lee is having to leave lulu during the week, so i sorta know what you are talking abt with shane. it is during these sort of times you wish you could just explain it all to them!
but shane is a tough little guy. it will all be fine, so don’t be hard on yourself! he knows you LOVE him!
can you believe it? all your kids (for now, at least) are here!
now go and enjoy that beautiful little girl…..
em
Congratulations on a beautiful daughter! We all think you and Travis are amazing, and we know all 3 kids are lucky to be part of your wonderful family. You’ll all remain in our prayers. We can’t wait to see you in May!
Love to all of you.
Dear, Dear Laurie –
I did read it all. I had to gulp a few times. And I think my heart took a couple of dives, though now as a type I feel it racing a bit. My dear, you went through the hardest labor and delivery I have ever heard of. I know I said the other day that your birth story was the sweet one that I have ever heard. But can I amend that now to the sweetest and the most traumatic?! That little lady of yours is one lucky lass to have you for a mommy! If she ever crosses you when she gets older you just bring out this post and she’ll straighten up so fast!
I can’t believe you had to endure all you did. I am so sorry. So truly sorry. Why couldn’t it have been an easy birth for you? I know you have probably been asking yourself that question repeatedly but there will never be a complete answer. I think the only resolution is to be thankful and joyful that sweet Finley is now here, perfect and healthy, and that you are a family.
You and Travis had a great birth plan. I was impressed when I first read it. I commend you both for trying long beyond anyone else would have. I hope you don’t hold on to being disappointed that the birth plan didn’t go according to plan so much that you don’t fully appreciate that, in the end, the most important thing is that you delivered a healthy baby. That baby came from your body into this world and, yes, she decided to make take a different entrance but that should not lessen your joy that she is here. Life did what it needed to. Finley did what she needed to. She is here now. And she is gorgeous and healthy. And she has parents who cherish her.
I hope your recovery goes well. I am so sorry that you are in a lot of pain. Still! SHIT! When I count up all the days of pain you’ve endured! My heart goes out to you. My brother is a triathlete and I know how crazy you performance althletes push your bodies, so when you say you’re in a lot of pain I can only shutter. You are no mere mortal woman! Heal up, my dear. I hope that in a month’s time you will be blogging about feeling so much better. But let your body do what it needs to do.
I can understand how you must be agonizing about Shane. Maybe words here can help or maybe they can not. But I want to say clearly and strongly to you: Children are very resilient. You know that. Shane will be fine. He will get through his anger and see that you are still here, even if you needed to be apart for a few days. Kids would not survive if they couldn’t handle change. They adjust quickly. They do not hold onto the things that we more age-hardened adults do. Kids are flexible. In a few weeks I hope that much of the distress you feel now will subside. Your confidence will return. You have made a beautiful family and you have so much love to give all your children. They will feel this. Shane will be fine. Please believe.
Laurie, you have done as much as any new mother possibly could every step along the way during this amazing pregnancy. You need to really own that and believe that in your heart. Your delivery was the journey’s conclusion but I recall fondly all those thoughtful, sweet, hilarious, inspiring posts you’ve written along the way about how wonderful this journey has been. You have given so much of yourself to create your beautiful family. You have the admiration and support of so many people — people who have never met you but hold you dear for who you are and what you have shared. You need to take much pride and much joy in what you have created. It would be a great disservice to yourself not to acknowledge and give thanks to yourself and the amazing job you’ve done. Make sure with all the crazy new family days ahead that you give some space to yourself to feel everything you feel and do what you need for yourself.
You wrote a while back that you worry because you don’t think mothering comes easily to you, that you think others fall into it more naturally. Honey, I know absolutely that you are one helluva fantastic mother precisely because you do fear, you do struggle, you try so hard and you care so deeply. That matters so much more than having it come naturally. Maybe your epic labor and delivery symbolizes just how much more amazing you are because you had to try your heart out.
I wish you great joy (though mostly right now I just wish you some really good meds so you can get some much need rest!).
With admiration and affection,
Kim
I can’t even imagine how you were both feeling. I cried just reading this.. I really feel for ALL of you. You have an absolutely beautiful daughter to add to you beautiful family.
You are such an incredibly strong woman Laurie. I don’t even know you guys, but I think the world of you both. You are such amazing people..with an amazing family.
I will always keep reading your blog..as long as you keep posting!
ohmigosh
I found your blog through Kelly/Lucy in the Sky…’s blog. Have been following the end of your pregnency for the past few weeks, and just read this with breathless anticipation.
You are a SUPERSTAR!!!! I am so impressed, so blown away, and just so excited for you all. Birth is not supposed to go the way we plan, but this…this is definitely WAY off the radar screen. I’m just so glad everyone is safe and healthy and has the ability to look back and honestly say “we did the best we could. we did all we could. we made the right choice.”. That is a gift in and of itself.
She is just darling too!
Congrats!
You are a strong woman. I am proud of you for giving it your all and I think you can honestly say you did everything you could for your little girl. I am not glad that you had such a horrible horrific traumatic delivery, but I am thankful you and Finley are healthy (I was definitely getting worried!). Don’t get too down on yourself about all the stresses — things always have a way of working themselves out. Sounds like you are building a good support network out there in CO, and you always have your one here in DC (and Florida for that matter)! Can’t wait to see your precious ones grow — you’ve got one gorgeous family!!! Can you believe it was only 2 years ago that we were starting surgery together???? Amazing how life changes! PS — don’t be afraid to take the pain meds for a speedier recovery!!!
Sarah (& Matt, Emma and Grant)
Hi, I have been following your blog since Vietnam. We are patiently waiting for a referral of a little boy. Your adoption and your birth amazed me and I cried often, and laughed often. You and your husband sound like amazing people and your family is absolutely beautiful. I delivered a beautiful baby girl 17 years ago today, and I can remember every minute, your determination is unbelievable. Your family is absolutely beautiful.
Rock on Laurie! I admire your strength - and some day when Finley reads this account of her birth, she will admire it too. Once you are back in the house with all those little ones and all that energy, the birth will seem easy!
Even now that Finley is here, I cannot tear myself away from your blog. I am not checking it quite as obsessively, but still many times a day. I have already commented today, but wanted to say that I have come back and reread this story several times and sobbed a little harder each time. I totally lose it when I get to the part about Travis telling you that you guys got your girl. LOSE IT! Lots of hugs and kisses from Kelly and Lucy. Laurie, please let your body have the time that it needs to recover. You have been through so much. Is your mom staying longer?
Such a moving, painful, and so blisfully journey that you both endured, you are such an amazing strong woman, very brave, and looked at the result, a very adorable baby girl, now you both have a perfect family, your children will always be proud of their parents, they are very blessed children to have you both as parents. Take care and enjoy your babies,
Laurie- I read your post this morning before taking my kids on a field trip. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to comment. I got in the car and just broke down crying! I am amazed by how much you went through. I have had two kids naturally and I know it hurts like a son of a gun but oh my-girl, you amaze me! My respect for you has grown ten fold over the last week. All I have to say is that when you make up your mind to get something done-99% of the time-it will get down. You must have will power of steel. I am so proud of you and Travis. Does it sound crazy for me to say that? I mean I really don’t even know you….but I am proud of both of you. It sounds like Travis did a great job advocating for you and that you both worked well together to get sweet Finley here as naturally as possible. I just screamed with joy when i saw that she was a girl. I so wanted it to be a girl. She is beautiful and I am very glad that you are both healthy and well. I can’t wait for pictures of her with her brothers. I am so glad Travis has some time to spend with you as you recover and your family all integrates with the newest member. You did an amazing job Laurie and you have an amazing little lady. Blessings sent your way for a speedy recovery.
Jenny V
I was reading your post at work when a co-worker came and interrupted me and I had a hard time explaining why there were tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing your very personal experience. Prayers of healing are going out to your family from all over the world. Now take your pain meds. Lots of them!
Wow! Get some rest. Finley is precious. Take care!
Laurie, What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Thank you so much for sharing your birth story. I read every word. You were oh so very brave and Travis such an amazing advocate. I know there are so many mixed emotions to contend with at this time and I hold you in my thoughts as you move through them to a place of peace. And Shane as well. Finley is just precious. A beautiful addition to an amazing family. With admiration, Amy (in Virginia, working on dossier for Vietnam…and hoping)
Laurie - I did read to the end - crying through at least 1/2 of it. While I have never given birth (my child is adopted), the hideous procedures, multiple epidurals, major surgery under general that I had to endure before being told I was not going to be able to have children were all brought back to me in your struggle with labor - The best news is that you are recovering - it takes time - and that you have a beautiful baby girl. I have to say Great Job Travis for arguing and sticking with your wishes in the face of a lOT of stress. Best Wishes to all of you and best wishes to you in your recovery. Stacy
Laurie,
How could you think that no one would finish reading your post? Don’t you know that your ponderings, anecdotes, and tales of parenting and life have touched countless people around the world? What you and Travis have done for all those who stumble across your blog is nothing short of astounding. Your willingness to share so honestly, openly, and candidly has touched us all. I can’t imagine anyone following your journey has come through unscathed. We’ve all laughed and cried, but perhaps most importantly, we’ve all come together to cross paths, here on your site, in search of something more. More than the rants and raves we so often find in Blogville. We may come with mere curiosity to see your great pictures and your lively tales. Yet we’re so often met with truly profound thoughts and such raw sincerity that transcend typical internet decorum. Some may think it’s too much personal info to be floating around out there. I for one am not that brave to pour my heart and soul out for all to read. But I can tell you that I have learned a great deal from all of you. You’ve inspired me and my family to look at the world through different eyes. We’ve drawn motivation from your acts of kindness and selflessness to those less fortunate. You’ve shown us that each one of us CAN make a difference. And you’ve done all this in an endearing manner without putting on airs, just by telling it like it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think we all leave here being just a little bit better each time you share your journey with us. So I’d like to say a heartfelt “Thank You” to you and Travis for contributing to all of our lives in ways that only genuine words a can say and only our welcoming hearts can truly feel. You make us want to be bigger, better, stronger people just by being yourselves. Your humanity is so bare it makes tremendous impact on all of us here. It’s a blessing and a curse. I hope with all the comments these last few days you have drawn something good from us as much as we have drawn so much from you. Keep speaking your gracious words and we will continue to be enchanted by them.
Ok I had to come back because I lied in my last comment–what I should have said, is that *hypothetically* I would have done what you did and done everything possible to avoid a c-section unless medically necessary for baby…in reality, I know there is just no way I would have lasted as long as you did. I know what it is like to not have pg./childbirth go the way you have planned so hard for–and whoever up there said allow yourself to grieve is right on…of course your daughter is just gorgeous, and she is healthy, and that is the most important thing…but you can be thankful for that and at the same time grieve the loss of the birth you had imagined.
I really do hope that you are proud of yourself (and your husband!)–because you put your baby’s needs first by enduring what you did, until it was in her best interest to choose a different path. You were an active, informed, participant in the decision making (until you understandably needed to rely on Travis), all while experiencing excruciating pain (words do not exist to describe the pain of back labor, let alone all of the other procedures you suffered through).
Also, I don’t know if I was supposed to, but this made me lol:
“Oh, just put me under already. Knock me the F&(% out!â€
I remember telling my (wonderful) OB and the (not very nice) nurse: “Yes, I know the complications of prematurity, why the f%&* do you think I lay on my back for the past 3 months, now f&*%ing cut the g-damn stitch!” And then kicking the OB (really hard apparently) when he tried to remove the cerclage (too late–already tore) before the epidural.
I am sooo sooo very happy for you that they didn’t listen and you could experience Finley’s first moments together. I keep coming back to look at her picture because she is so beautiful!
Dear Laurie and Travis,
We are 6 months behind you guys - I’m 12 weeks pregnany, have a 26 month old from GUA and her bio sister is going to be picked up around 9 months and we are under 30. I read every last word twice and cried both times. My husband read it, we talked about, we wrote emails to each other about it. It was probably the most theraputic thing we have done to manage the stress of an uncompleted adoption and a new pregancy. You are so amazing and gracious to share such a dear story. Thank you. Thank you for setting up such an amazing situation where you were successful regardless of the outcome. You are really anamazing woman to shre this, to get through it and to mkae good decisions for you and your family the whole way through.
Congratulations Laurie, Travis, Jackson, and Shane!
I know it wasn’t the delivery you hoped for, but you can proudly say you did ABSOLUTELY everything you could have done to have that wonderful little girl the old-fashioned way! You look beautiful in the pictures with her. If I had gone through what you’ve been through I don’t think I would even look HUMAN in those pictures.
I’m so happy for you guys!
Congratulations Laurie, Travis, Jackson, and Shane!
I know it wasn’t the delivery you hoped for, but you can proudly say you did ABSOLUTELY everything you could have done to have that wonderful little girl the old-fashioned way! You look beautiful in the pictures with her. If I had gone through what you’ve been through I don’t think I would even look HUMAN in those pictures.
I’m so happy for you guys!
Laurie,
I have been thinking about your post since I read it and left my comments yesterday but you are Truely AMAZING!! And Travis what an amazing bond and relationship you both have it is very inspiring!
I remember labor with my 1, I had put together a labor circit, cut out pictures, had labor statins, birth ball….ready to go it out. I felt I anxious to get to the hospital because there was NO relaxing with both sets of partens in the house and wanted to be somewhere else..if ya know what I meand…So we got to the hospital with our stations and put them up I was 1.5cm MAYBE…we started to walk around the ward, stopping to breath through contractions…and then they really started to pick up….or so I thought, I got checked and then was at 2.0…at this point I really began to not trust my ability to handle the whole situation, and after two what I thought were major contractions while I was brushing my teeth..well I lost it..and I had a shot of something that lasted for 90 min’s, and that was 90 mins of heaven…but after that, I just could not get my calm back…I wanted to walk…and the docs said no, that I would be to tired in the morning but think that if I did walk would have been able to last longer. But some ambian and morphine put me in a relaxed state and I slept sort of (husband was snoring like a mountain lion..then a great bear…then a tiger..you know laboring on morphine you come up with this stuff)…next morning, was at 5 cm and felt I had come this far medicated..was kinda scared of what happend the day before (ugh not really alot right…im whimpy)and got an Epi…that only 1/2 worked and they tried many different ways to make the left side work but it did not….up until 9cm…so 2 cm of 1/2 hell….then they pulled it out put another one in (which as you know is crazy because you can only feel 1/2 of your body) and life was good again.
They let me labor for another two hours, with the full epi, so I slept (finally) but not without a 1000 threat of c section because of blood preasure, and maconium in the fluid (yes amidst all this my water broke)…this is where the nurse really helped, she tried every alternative to keep blood preasure in check, flushed with saline, and by the time it was time to push..they said dont push until we get the respitory team here (because of the meconium), and at 210 our son was born….so with all that said…my story is a whimpy one…but as others here felt compelled to share!
what you went through was no short of heroic! and hope you are on the mend! Looking forward to hearing how the boys do…thank you again for sharing…this is great stuff! You are amazing..
The strength that you have both shown is tremendously moving. Thank you for sharing your story! I want to add my admiration to the growing heap of admiration from all of us who follow your blog, and my best wishes for continued strength in coping with everyone’s adjustment to Finley’s arrival.
Laurie,
Just checked in for an update. So glad to see your post, skim down or skip part of your story, are you kidding? I was reading every last word. Laurie, you are a very very strong woman, honestly I could have never gone thru the experience that you did and your little girls is so beautiful. I know the last several days have been hard on you, but I am so glad you are back and slowly working your way back to your old self. I will definetely keep you and your family in my prayers as you all go thru this adjustment phase. Please take care of yourself and It is good to have you back.
Blessings,
Melissa
Laurie,
Just checked in for an update. So glad to see your post, skim down or skip part of your story, are you kidding? I was reading every last word. Laurie, you are a very very strong woman, honestly I could have never gone thru the experience that you did and your little girls is so beautiful. I know the last several days have been hard on you, but I am so glad you are back and slowly working your way back to your old self. I will definetely keep you and your family in my prayers as you all go thru this adjustment phase. Please take care of yourself and It is good to have you back.
Blessings,
Melissa
Your daughter is just beautiful. Don’t you just love that fuzzy newborn hair and those tiny, perfect eyebrows?
Congratulations!
I keep coming back to look at that last picture!
She is so sweet and looks so peaceful.
Wow, guys. I had no idea how scary this got for you. I am so thankful that you all are OK. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as Shane learns how to share his momma! I know there is enough love to go around!
Laurie - Any woman with more than one kid, in her right mind, realizes quickly that the hospital is more relaxing than their own home! Don’t feel one bit bad for that!! I’m totally impressed with your birthstory. You really worked to have that baby girl! I hope that the tears in your uterus will heal without complications. Rest up and we will all be looking forward to new pictures of those precious babies of yours!!
Nick warned me before I read this, but still I had no idea. I just finished and was bawling my eyes out here. I feel like there’s not a whole lot I can say since the whole experience seems to be a bit beyond words. I am so glad you are all okay. I am so sorry it went the way it did. I am so excited to come out there in May and see the new family!!!
I wish there were more people like you guys in the world. I think you’re the most incredible people we know. Please take super super super good care of yourselves.
Hill
Wow, Laurie!! What a birth story Finley and you have….and Travis too!! You are one amazing person to have endured all that. I’m so glad it all turned out well in the end with a healthy baby girl and a healthy healing mama. Rest up and take care!
Molly
Congratulations! All of your babies are absolutely precious! It has been amazing to follow your blog over the past months… and so exciting to see the expansion of your family. Thank you for sharing your experience - we just completed the adoption of our sweet little girl and during the long, stressful wait, your entries were really helpful! With so much going on, thanks for taking the time to pass along hints about how to deal with our baby’s eczema.. Good luck with your recovery - it looks like from your more recent entries you guys are doing really well! take care, Kim and Adam
laurie-your strength is INCREDIBLE. definitely praying for your whole family as you head back home!
she is beautiful Laurie! congrats
[...] you believe it’s been 6 months since my epic labor and crazy delivery of our baby girl? Seems like at least YEARS ago. And the aftermath of the delivery [...]
Leave a Comment