Chapters, Seasons, Stages…and the Baby Blues

Travis and I had a much needed date night 2 nights ago.  Our nanny shared a movie night with our “big kids” and Travis and I took Griffie with us down the street for dinner and a few beers.  It was SO nice to actually feel like adults and experience the simplicity of parenting just a newborn.  MAN is that a piece of cake;)  We talked about a lot of stuff, especially Travis’ career and general direction since that’s on his mind a lot lately; it’s all happening so fast for him right now and I can tell his mind is always spinning.  Somewhere in there though, I brought up the question of “did you mean it: are we really done growing our family?”  I know both of our answers logically should be yes.  And that is my answer.  I think.  Still, there was something so sad about hearing Travis say it so confidently, and knowing in the back of my head too…that we are probably done experiencing moments like these:

Above is the amazing birth image I was talking about.  It’s Griffie’s little nogging in Dr. Warner’s hands, emerging (look closely if you can’t see his face at first – it’s on the right).  His first breath was seconds later followed by the most beautiful sound I prayed to hear in the OR.

There are SO MANY things we want to do with our lives.  Our life.  Honestly, adding kids to our family has been the most incredible experience and we love every one of them for the unique dynamic they each bring.  We are the luckiest parents alive.  There’s no adventure more amazing than adopting a child or bringing a life into the world, and we’ve been blessed to have done both twice.  The everyday process of raising our kids is quite the adventure as well!!  But continuing to grow would mean saying goodbye to a lot of other adventures in life.  And as Travis reminded me, life is about chapters, seasons, stages…very often one has to end so another can begin.  So now it’s time to move on with the beautiful kids we have and start dreaming of all the things we’ll do as a family.

There’s just something that’s been making me so sad about closing this chapter, even though I’m so overwhelmed with joy and love right now.  It’s a weird dichotomy of emotions.  I guess that’s the “baby blues” – so much excitement, anticipation, and energy around that one moment when the baby arrives.  It’s incredible.  But then, just days later, there are business calls to take, residency paperwork to submit, bills to pay, laundry to do, and somehow life just marches on.  Ready or not.  We had to reenter reality so abruptly.  I wish it would all just slow the hell down.  Or freeze completely for me right now since I’m just not ready for the world to keep spinning , and neither is Griffie. <sigh>

The baby blues have not been even a fraction of what they were when Finley was born, thank God.  I feel pretty “together” and fairly in control of my emotions.  I’ve cried over silly things a couple times, including 2 days ago when I found myself inappropriately crying over how precious Jackson was in his school’s holiday performance.  I had tears streaming down my face when everyone else was laughing and clapping…that’s when I realized I might be experiencing some post-partum hormones;)  Every now and then I feel sadness creep in just a little – usually over the baby chapter closing, or the thought of returning to work, or sometimes for no identifiable reason at all.  Jack has a little Christmas countdown calendar he made with my mom, and each morning he X’s off another day in December.  And each time I see that adorable little hand cross off the days, I take a deep breath, gulp, and swallow the sadness that comes when I think about the passing time.

As a suspenseful side note, there was a moment in the OR when our OB was closing me up and asked us if we plan on having any more kids just so she’d know if she needed to do an extra layer of stitching in my uterus.  Without hesitation, we both replied “just do it.”  We’re crazy, irresponsibly spontaneous, and sometimes a little unpredictable, but I think we were just playing that one safe.  Because as Griffin taught us, ya just never know.

These photos are just a little glimpse into our newborn and family session with our birth photographer, Kim.  We are so lucky to have had her in the OR with us capturing those precious moments, as well as in our home taking pictures of us as a family of 6.  There’s a sneak peek of our session on her blog too.  I saved a few of my favorites for Griffin’s birth announcement though:)

The picture below cracks me up every time I look at it – Jack LOVES to pose funky, so this was his “sweet move” for Kim’s camera.  Clearly the boy should be enrolled in karate, yoga, or something that requires crazy balance.