28/30: Midnight Snacks
I really have no brain cells left to blog with tonight. We’re still getting very little sleep, thankyouverymuch, Ms. Finley. When she was 17 months old, I said “uncle,” tapped out, and made Travis take over Finley’s night duty completely. I was trying to wean her, and she was using those nighttimes to make up for lost daytime nursing sessions (since I’d started working and wasn’t home 24hr/day to nurse her at her beck and call anymore). But somehow, she’s outsmarted us again. She’s now 20 months old and has her dad running up and downstairs at all hours in the night to bring her cottage cheese, or yogurt with honey, as she calls out her requests. We’ll wake up at least once per night to her yelling “daddy! Cottage cheese!! My hungee. My need cottage cheese!” We can ignore her, but then her calls only get louder…and louder…and louder. Our neighbors, who thankfully love Finley and are super cool, have actually told us they can hear her yelling at night. The kid has a mouth and a set of lungs to go with. The thing is, we just can’t figure out how to get over this hurdle with her. It’s like she outsmarts / outwits / outwills us at every freakin turn. We try our best to fill her belly before bed, but invariably, she still wakes up claiming she’s starving. I think she consumes half her calories between 12-5am. She hasn’t been eating all that well during the day, but we can’t seem to break the nighttime eating / daytime fasting cycle she’s got going on. Oh, and she’s still stuck at 18-19lbs.
The midnight snacks have gotten so routine that as soon as Travis hears her, he pokes his head in her room to take her meal request, she preempts him in saying “daddy be right back” (her way of sending him downstairs to the fridge). Then he comes back from the kitchen, plucks her out of her crib, and sets her on the floor next to her crib. She then knows to lift the crib skirt, courteously, for Travis so the light from the baby monitor provides a little glow and he can see as he scoops the cottage cheese into her mouth. After the pow wow on the floor, she sometimes says “my go back to bed” and goes down really easily. Other times, she demands Travis sit on the rocking chair next to her crib and stay there. He spends the good part of many nights in that rocking chair.
I know most people are wondering why the heck we don’t just sleep train or something. She’s 20 months old, for gosh sakes. But it’s not that simple. First of all, I can’t sleep while my kids are crying. I don’t know how anyone can stand that…unless you have an easy child who just passes out in 15 minutes or less. I don’t have that kid and the crying breaks me, no matter what time of day / night it’s happening. For me to ignore her cries, someone might as well just be plucking my fingernails off 1 by 1. But even putting that aside, Finley 1) outwills both of us & would just get louder and go on for hours or days or months or years, and 2) would wake her brothers if we let her make a peep from 4am on. It seems that’s when everyone is transitioning to lighter sleep and while neither Jack nor Shane would even flinch if Finley screamed before 4am, it’d destroy those last few hours of sleep if it happened after 4am. And somehow, it’s like she knows that weakness. She’s pretty reliable with a 4:01am wake-up call for “yogurt honey.”
She’s also been VERY ornery lately. She ordered Travis to a timeout today and has become quite the little tattle tale lately. She actually told me she didn’t love me yesterday just to hurt my feelings. Man, we are in for it with this kid. Too bad she’s so damn cute.
And so you get just HOW manipulative this kid is, tonight as I put her to bed, I asked her what Santa is going to bring her for Christmas. At first, she screamed out “TOYS!” Then I asked what kind of toys, and she said “a doggie.” I said “oh, hmm, well, what else would you want Santa to bring you?” And she yelled “IKA!” Ika is the name of Sara and Kaakpema’s dog. I thought it was so funny so I told Travis. About an hour later, Trav was deep in cyberspace somewhere so I asked him what he was doing on the computer and busted him looking at Boxer puppies. WTF?! So while Santa should clearly bring this child a heaping lump of coal, he was actually considering the 1 thing we swore we wouldn’t let ourselves get anytime in the near future.
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19 comments
Sleep training is tough…but SO TOTALLY worth it in the end. We get 11 hours of quiet around here with 2 kiddos who are almost 3 years old (and a 2 hour nap). We used the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Best thing we ever did for all of us! Good luck with your adorable little ball of fire.
I should be sleeping but actually have some time alone so I am reading your recent posts. I totally hear you, NJ, same age still nurses ALL NIGHT LONG, I am spent (and dehydrated:)…it has gotten worse not better recently. I also can not sleep with screaming kids (breaks my heart), if I only had one perhaps I would try but with three, the other girls will inevitably wake up if I don’t tend to her night time feeding screams…I am going on day 4 of no sleep, literally all night feedings not just up once or even two times at most but all night, uggghhh… AND, like Finley she is tiny still only17.5 lbs (and that’s w/ a wet diaper on:). We must get together sometime soon!!! I want to invite myself over to hang in your newly finished basement, haha. I am in a state of delirium and not sure my post was even coherent. So sorry.
Boxers? No! Get a labrador! (if you get a dog that is) they are *the* best family dog. Really! Boxers are really boisterous, and think nothing of simply jumping over 6ft walls. (I’m not even remotely kidding).
As for the sleeping thing, my little one, who is like a week younger than Finley, slept through last night, for the the fourth time EVER in his life. He is also huge on drinking bottles through the night, and totally ditches supper. What can you do? I can’t let him cry either since he and his brother share a room. Anyway, I’m just glad he slept through last night, because the husband and I were actually out (like real adults) till 11h30 last night while my mom babysat.
Sorta makes you miss the ease of nursing huh?! I didn’t realize how easy nursing at night was until we had Addy making similar demands. Thing is….contrary to what some critics claim, some babies really ARE that hungry at night. Some kids truly do need food more frequently (usually bottles but solid foods wouldn’t be any different, right?) through the second year. Fin is so tiny and clearly has a high metabolism, is it possible she really is just hungry? I mean who in their right mind would actually find it fun and WANT to wake up in the middle of the night to eat cottage cheese or yogurthoney?!?! It isn’t like you are throwing her some ice cream or jujubees or letting her run crazy through the house.
They all outgrow these nighttime issues without sleep training, I promise. Addy still does wake at night, fyi, and she’s 3.5. She doesn’t get food or bottles or anything. Usually she just wants the covers off/on and can’t maneuver it in her sleepy state. Or she wants to touch base with Tony. It’s no big deal.
The challenge is finding a way to stay sane while you wait it out. Is there a way you could find some foods that would be safe/not messy for Fin to eat (in her crib) at night without demanding to be fed by you guys?
once you figure out how to get Finley to sleep through the night, please let me know so that I can get Dash to sleep through the night. He’s 21 months old and still waking up to feel my boobies and saying “yum yum” while doing it, while his eyes are closed. If I don’t let him do it, he screams for hours. Not joking. And sometimes/most of the time, he’d throw up on purpose just to punish us for NOT getting him. Enough said. I need my beauty sleep.
p.s. Travis needs to go to time out for considering getting Finley a dog.
I want to begin by saying this is a highly personal issue, and everyone needs to do what’s best for them…..but I can’t help but wonder if your child is up and down multiple times a night, don’t you think the lack of sleep is effecting them? Think of how we adults feel when sleep deprived. Sleep is when the brain processes information from the day and reorganizes our brain (that’s what I understand at least).
Sometimes things that are uncomfortable for a little while reap great rewards for all involved. A full nights sleep feesl wonderful….
i got very physically sick (pneumonia) from getting little sleep w/ max. he didn’t want food - just wanted up every night to sleep w/ me. as a single mom, i had no one to share daily duties and night duties so it eventually took a huge toll on me. my sister came and helped for a week, took the baby monitor and let him cry, on average, 10 minutes for 3 nights. done. since july he sleeps a full 11 hrs ea night - rarely wakes, and i feel like a new person. i know you can’t imagine hearing her cry or scream but those breaks in sleep will catch up to all of you, if they haven’t already. what about leaving applesauce or cott cheese in her room close enough for her to get it at night? i praised max over and over about being a big boy and sleeping in his own bed. good luck. i can’t imagine.
Don’t get a dog. It will put an end to all your cool trips and with 3 toddlers the last thing you need in your house is something else that isn’t well potty trained.
Is Finley still napping? Try cutting out the naps. Or leave a bowl of cherrios in her crib. Of course, I’m one to give advice. We still co-sleep with our daughter who is 32 months. She wakes up moaning, screaming, thrashing 2 or 3 times a night. If I had to walk to another part of the house to deal with it every night I would be a zombie. Luckily, our son sleeps like little log! Maybe its a girl/boy thing?
oh, wow that is a tough one. she has your number! it is purely a habit (a bad one!) that she has fallen into. there is no possible way fin will starve if she in not fed from 12-5am. there is no possible way you will be a bad mommy if you break this cycle. the bad news: it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. the good news: totally fixable. at some point you may say enough is enough, this is not typical behavior for her age and decide it’s gonna change. a little tough love! if she has this power now just imagine ages 12-16! no mommy guilt in expecting a near 2 year old to sleep through the night. no kid ever died from crying, really. you can do it. the entire household (& neighbors!) will thank you, eventually.
Aw, Fin, give mommy and daddy a break! I’m sure as hell no expert cause it’s rare for me to get a full night sleep here either. What the hell is it about 4 am to these kids? Delaney still seemed to need a bottle at night for way longer than most kids, and I just went with it partly since she, too, tends to run on the peanut side of the charts. I also did not do (and am fairly against, though yes, to each their own) sleep training. And yep, people think I’m nuts. What most don’t understand, but YOU totally get, is that with some kids their temperament is such that sleep training may truly kill the parent before it teaches the child to sleep. Our kids will not learn after 15 or so minutes a night for a few nights to go back to sleep. It simply doesn’t work for our kids. Hello, persistance level on the temperament scale? Guessing you’d rate Fin about as high as I rate D. And I don’t think it’s that they’re TRYING to drive us crazy, it’s just a bonus. For me to do it with D would take hours every night, for goodness knows how many nights, and there is a) no way I could do that and b) no way I will believe that letting it go for HOURS for a child is not in some way harmful and c) no guarantee it would work or improve anything. And, I would bet that like Nikki and others have said, she actually IS hungry and when she’s so tiny I can’t imagine forcing her to not eat at that point. But now it’s a routine and her body clock is all set. Hard to figure out a strategy, I sure don’t know anything you don’t know!
I know you’re a fan of the Spirited Child book - have you read her other two books, one called Sleepless in America and the other on Power Struggles? I’m working on both of them right now, I like her and her approach and think all three books really apply to our lives right now. May be worth a browse if you haven’t read them. Though we still struggle with sleep here (particularly the getting her TO sleep) I am finding that small tweaks can make big differences.
Good luck - seriously, the sleep deprivation is so brutal, I’ve been feeling like I am so completely run down right now and I know I’m getting better sleep than you and Travis and have less going on in life to keep up with. It sucks, it really does.
Travis, slooowly step away from the computer while chanting “no puppies, no puppies”! Be strong. You can resist!
I have nothing in the way of advice for sleeping except to tell her you won’t be coming in with food tonight and then just living through the hell for a week or so. I think it’s just a habit. It’ s not like she’s really that hungry at night, right? Well, good luck. You all are better folks than I.
Oh my! Well, I’m a good 10 yrs. older than you, but my 25 month old was up last night from 1:00-3:30 & let me tell you….there is NO WAY I could handle that for long. I’m tired today! I really don’t know how to solve the issue, but with three kiddos myself, sleeping through the night is a must for all involved. So, take all the advice & try it all…it will be worth it! 2nd: On the dog issue, I must chime in…being a dog lover myself, I cannot see living without one, but the time & energy they take is as much as a small child….in/out/pee/exercise/clean-up, etc. It’s a lot! Also, as the owner of a boxer (2 yrs. old fem.) they are super sweet, but very ‘bouncy’ & hyper. She loves our kids & is very protective. She pees when she gets excited (not so good), but I love her! If you want a dog that will go with you guys everywhere on outings/hikes, etc., the boxer would love it! They’re such people dogs! Laid back…nope! Fun: yep! Good luck with it all. Of course, we must have a little drama in our lives lest we be boring!!!
Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Weissenbleuth….run don’t walk and buy this. It will completely turn Finley around…for us it took 3 days and our boys don’t wake up at all now unless they are sick. We know now we should have started their sleep routine completely differently, but live and learn!
This is a personal issue and everyone has their own way to rear their children but from my experience it seems that she isn’t really hungry she just wants to control your house. She is only 20 months and she controls your house. You and Travis are not her servants…she is our child. In my opinion the more you cave to her, the worse it will get. Little kids need sleep. If they don’t get the proper amount, they are horrid during the day. Stop being a servant to your child!
Hi Laurie,
First of all, we love your blog! My daughter (8 years old, adopted at 7 weeks from Nam Dinh) and I check up on your family every day, and Aurelia still mentions ‘the Feta incident’!
About sleeping or the lack thereof: this has been and still is a huge subject in our house. Aurelia is in many ways an incredibly easy, ‘low-maintenance’ child. But until age 6.5 (years, not months!), she probably slept through the night a handful of times. She slept with us until about 4.5, and still gets to sleep with us at weekends or if one of us is away (usually her dad; we’re both musicians, but he does more of the touring). At the very beginning, it felt right, partly because of the adoption issue. But as time went on, my husband started saying she really needed to sleep in her own bed. Absolutely no way! Our easy child would scream and gradually get more and more hysterical, until there was no way she could fall asleep. Yes, a lot of it is no doubt my fault. Two reasons: first of all, like you, I just cannot take — or agree with — hearing her cry like that. It simply feels wrong. She is not a spoilt child or particularly manipulative, and with the sort of crying she did, I felt it was cruel to let it go on. We were advised that it would only take a week, and then our lives would be transformed. Well, I would rather be tired than let my daughter cry like that for a week. I’m not even convinced that it would have worked. No right or wrong principle, just didn’t work for me.
The second reason is to do with my upbringing (as those things so often are!): when I was born (many years before you!), my mum was a very young, docile new mother, scared to do the wrong thing and bullied by the doctors’ thinking at the time. I have always been a very bad sleeper, but my mother was told strictly on no account to pick me up if I cried. She hated it but thought the doctors knew best. The result: life-long sleep and mild insecurity issues for me. I remember lying awake for hours in bed getting more and more lonely, and then waking up at the crack of dawn, pinching my little sister to make her wake up and play with me. I also remember my father’s face as he would storm in and say at 5am, YOU SLEEP! I ended up in my parents’ bed more often than not because of not being able to sleep and feeling desperate, and this went on until about 9 years old! I often wonder when they managed to create my sister and brother… I still find going to sleep very hard. Not actually sleeping — I’m getting old, and I’ll fall asleep on the sofa in the sitting room or anywhere else, except in bed (bathroom mat, floor by the computer…not quite normal, I know!). Anyway, the result of my childhood sleep issues is that I have probably been much too lenient with my daughter. Neither of us needs much sleep to function, which has been my excuse; but if I’m completely honest (which I rarely am, as I would then have to change!), we both could do with more sleep to function at our best. The fact that we get by is no excuse.
So here we are, trying to adopt a second child from Vietnam, which will imply living there for 6 months. I’ve reached age 47, and I have absolutely no idea what the perfect way to raise a child is. Just lots of questions, and relying very much on instinct (I’ve wanted to be a mum since I was 7 — pretty ironic that I was born without a womb and therefore wasn’t meant to be one ‘naturally’!). To my defence, my girl is wonderful, a very bright, easy going, incredibly affectionate little girl who seems completely unscathed by her parents!
Sorry this got so long. Judgement impaired by having spent 5 hours sleeping on the bathroom mat. Not worth getting into bed at 5.30 to get up at 7!
All the best to your lovely family!
Carole
Sleep training was so not right for us. Tried it one night- NEVER again. I have to say I think Nikki is right- she could truly be hungry. She obviously has a fast fast metabolism (could she send some of that my way?) and isn’t waking up for the fun fo it. Hopefully she will outgrow it soon.
I say, forget the dog and buy a mini fridge for Finley’s room. Travis can keep it open and feed her with that light!
Kelli, you crack me up! I’ll take it one step further… Laurie, put the kegerator in Finley’s room. You can put a little cheese in there for Fin and Travis can have a beer for his midnight snack.
For the record, Caroline is still a 4am waker too. I feel your pain!
After reading ur Blog and getting hysterical because i know our Ms Fin is such a manipulator it is good that Trav had this heart to heart talk with this cutey who listened and responded.Buy stock into cottage cheese and yogurt to become wealthy.Love gia
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