13/30: Perspective
For those of you who read my previous post and its comments, I just wanted to take a minute to reply. Btw, I know blog traffic slows a little over the weekend, but check back for a giveaway!
ATL - please don’t apologize. Your comment did not offend me at all and I deeply appreciate your honesty. Your perspective is unique from mine and most of my readers, and I am glad you shared it.
Tahna also presented some really valid points. Unfortunately, I wonder if the anger in her tone might prevent her message from being heard as clearly. I politely disagree with her statement that we all have a Pollyanna view of Vietnam over here, nor do I think most of us are as naive as she’s assuming. If I learned anything through adopting my boys from Vietnam’s corrupt system, it’s that there are people at the bottom willing to lie, cheat, steal, and exploit to make it higher up. It’s survival, and much of that holds true anywhere there is suffering and poverty. There are plenty of people willing to lie, cheat, steal, and take advantage of anyone who’ll let them right here in the USA too. It’s not unique to Vietnam or anywhere else, unfortunately, but I do think it might be more overt there because there is such an underdeveloped legal system. There are many other developing countries like that. I certainly never said all Vietnamese were good and honest, but I would also never say that about any group of people.
Also, it was not long ago that THIS country was murdering natives, stealing their land, hanging Black men, putting Japanese in camps, or telling women their voices didn’t matter and they couldn’t vote. It was also quite recent that Germany was exterminating Jews, the disabled, the weak. I think it is common for people to form very broad, negative, generalizing opinions of countries or peoples when they lived through (and at the other end of) atrocities like those, or wars like in Vietnam. I am not trying to discount Tahna’s perspective, or the perspective of the veteran I wrote about yesterday, I am just trying to say that it is different from my more limited experience with the Vietnam of the last 10-15 years.
Tahna is also right that we, AP’s, do our best to expose our kids to the culture / country they lost, however best we can, but no matter how hard we try, we fall short. For some of us, those efforts mean cooking the limited Vietnamese recipes we are able to master. For others, it means returning to Vietnam as often as possible, living there for a period of time with our kids, or hiring a Vietnamese tutor, sending our kids to Heritage Camp, attending a Vietnamese church, celebrating Tet, etc. We do our best, but you are right - since we are not Vietnamese, our kids’ exposure to their birth culture is limited. Travis and I will never be more than travelers through or temporary residents of Vietnam, volunteers, parents to Vietnamese-American children, and perhaps doctors who work in Vietnam (if we ever get out of medical school debt). But our goal is to provide our kids with enough of their own experiences in Vietnam that they can grow up and draw their own conclusions, having seen it through their own eyes. Obviously, it might look very different to them had they been raised there, but it’s the best we, as their parents, can do.
My posts are always up for respectful discussion and I enjoy learning from the peoples’ comments, so thank you for the courteous dialogue. Feel free to comment, just try to refrain from personal attacks and remember we’re all people doing the best we can.
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3 comments
I feel like sometimes people take their experiences and push them on others as the TRUTH I love how you keep an open mind and always say how open you are to other opinions.. to bad others arent! I fell in love with Vietnam while we were trying to adopt there.. of course our story got moved to Korea when adoptions in Vietnam fell apart but I still LOVE Vietnam and when I would discuss Vietnam with friends or family I was always shocked how ignorant people were about the country and how judgmental they were still after all these years over a horrible disgusting war.. breaks my heart actually to hear such horrible things!! Little story…. After our referral for Malia I went to FEDEX to send her a package and I was having a hard time filling out the address because hello its quite different than our average addy’s here lol anyways the older man asked if I needed help and I laughed explained what I was doing and said ya sure if youve ever been to Korea.. he very rudely said well yes I have but that was for a war, he then walked off and refused to help me and I had to wait for 15 minutes for someone else to come help me. I at first was mad and then felt sad for him that he after all these years couldnt put what he went through behind him.. though I also understood it even though he was intirerly rude and in the wrong with the way he then treated me. I think as AP’s we have to be open to all sorts and be preparred for comments that hurt us and would hurt our children. I dont remember my point LOL!! I just think your great and your posts make people think and sometimes NOT think enough haha!!
Reading the posts from those who have experienced Vietnam in a different way than myself (thru adoption only) brings tears to my eyes. I appreciate them sharing their experiences with us because I know it was emotional and difficult for them. And thank you Laurie for allowing different opinions on this blog!
Like Tara I want to thank you for your interesting blog. It is great that you do allow different opinions, and that you react not offended but try to understand what people say. I have not been to Vietnam, but to Cambodia just recently. I would say it is a beautiful country, and that the people are just so nice, but of course but only having travelled there I really don’t know much about the Khmer at all. You mentioned Germanys history in your last post, and while I was in Cambodia in the Tuol Sleng Museum and saw what the Khemr Rouge did to their people I was sooo strongly reminded of my own countries history. I think every country has its history, and we all have to try to learn from our fathers mistakes. And to be fair I think it is way easier for us to lead honest lifes, given the richness of our countries and the possibilities we can choose from. That is what I always thought when in Cambodia: Even if they try to sell you something for a little higher price, that might decide if their families can have dinner that night, so I can - to a certain limit - understand that.
Thanks again for your blog. I am sure your boys will appreciate you trying to teach them about their heritage. I have read other blogs and also think that some APs don’t really try to teach the birthcountries culture (I understand that that is a choice they make for their own reasons) and think you and Travis will do a great job!
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