Category — Timeline

Our Sapa excursion was well worth the trek out there!  We had the most amazing day yesterday with Yem, our guide who is a member of the Black Hmong ethnic minority.  She took us on a several hour hike down to a Black Hmong community.  It was a typical day in Sapa for this time of year - VERY foggy - so, unfortunately, pictures could not capture how incredible the scenery was. 

We hiked several miles, mostly downhill, and across several swinging bridges, which Jackson LOVED.  I was worried he’d be scared, but he danced all the way across as the bridges swayed back and forth!  We hiked past a waterfall, and through a village called Cat Cat.  Yem was very informative about Hmong culture, showed us the indigo plants from which the Black Hmong dye comes, and the process that’s used to make their clothes, brought us inside a traditional home, and answered every question we had regarding Hmong belief system and traditions.  If anyone visits Sapa, please email me if you’d like Yem’s contact info so you can book her directly (versus having a travel company skim off the top). 

Here’s the part where you learn the winner of “2008’s Worst Parents of the Year” award…after a few hours of hiking, we were at the base of a very steep hike back up a dirt road.  There are a few things that reliably induce my Braxton Hicks contractions: bending over, walking long distances, going up steps, or carrying heavy things.  Hence, hiking a few miles, up a steep hill, while carrying Shane in a sling, was sure to bring them on!  So after a short distance, we had the option of continuing to hike, or hop on the back of motorbikes to get back up the mountain.  I had to weigh which seemed less irresponsible, and we opted for the motorbikes, with the agreement that they’d go VERY slowly.  With Shane in my sling, Jack in Travis’, and Yem lugging our backpack, we got on the back of 3 different motorbikes and made it safely to the top.  I’ll never forget the look on Jackson’s face when his motorbike passed mine and he flashed me the most devilish little grin.  Again, I’d worried he might be scared!  After 10 minutes of looking like a little badass on a motorcycle, he passed out with the wind on his face, snuggled comfortably in his daddy’s sling.  I’m not trying to raise Evil Knievil…but I’m sure his mom said the same thing! 

Anyway, back to the Hmong people…the most interesting things Yem shared with us were about her own family, and one of her brother’s marriages.  She informed us that the ethnic minorities (Red Dao, Hmong, Giay) rarely mix, and marriages are sometimes arranged, sometimes for love, and occasionally, they happen through a different means, like in her brother’s case.  He saw a pretty girl walk by (a teenager), grabbed her and dragged her onto his motorbike, then his family helped lock her inside their house.  After 4 days, she had the option to marry him or go back to her family.  She married him.  Yem says they are now living happily, have a few kids, and love each other very much.  According to Yem, this tradition of “wife-napping,” for lack of a better term, is why she doesn’t dress up and attend big social events - as a female, you can be snagged by force at any time and have to wait out those 4 days if you want to say “no” to the proposal.  Isn’t that fascinating?!  

Carissa - I’m very interested in the name of the book to which you are referring.  I’d love to read it if it isn’t Tragic Mountain, Ravens, or the popular non-fiction novel most medical schools now have students read, The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, which are all great reads for anyone interested in learning more about Hmong history or culture.  Let me know if you remember the title. 

Not to be redundant, if you watched the slideshow above, but these are a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday.  Here are the boys wearing their traditional Black Hmong hats, and Jack in his full Hmong outfit:

Here’s Yem making Shane giggle:

And I think these 2 photos perfectly illustrate the contrasting personalities of our boys.  Jackson has to be the craziest kid on the planet, and Shane continues to be the sweetest, most calm little guy with such an inherently content nature.  Something strikes me as hilariously ironic about Jackson reeking havoc while wearing a shirt that says “Peace on Earth!”  Those shirts, btw, were a gift from Granjoe.  Speaking of Granjoe, every time Jackson sees a picture of Kernel Sanders on the KFC signs here, or a picture of “Uncle Ho” on the currency, he points and starts screaming “Janjoe! Janjoe!”  I guess it’s the mustache and/or glasses.  We crack up every time though!

We made it back to Hanoi via the overnight train this morning and our visa / exit interview is this afternoon.  Hopefully we’ll have Shane’s entrance ticket to the US by tomorrow and make our flight back home tomorrow night!! 

Well, we’re here in HCMC to get Shane’s medical report and passport.  Things have been busy, to say the least, over the last 2 days!  As I said in my last post, we expected Shane would grieve.  We just didn’t know how much, or what form his grief would take.  We have just been hoping it wouldn’t be as severe as Jackson’s, since the transition wasn’t cold turkey.  After Jackson’s initial stage of utter shock, his eczema flared like like nothing I’ve ever seen, he screamed 20 hours a day, never slept, would not allow us to console him, and was just miserable.  It was pretty awful for the first few weeks. 

It seems Shane is dealing with his depression by sleeping about 16 out of the 24 hours a day.  When he is awake, he’s much fussier than usual, and seems to stare off into space just to check out from time to time.  The first night with him was shocking because he slept through the night (awoke for 1 bottle), and then continued his every 2 hour nap schedule through the next day.  I think the longest period of time he was awake yesterday was a 2 hour block, and his shortest nap was 2 hours!  Although he’s totally precious when he sleeps, it’s really heartbreaking to watch him go through this.  Here he is, doing his thing (sleeping) in my sling, and then hangin’ with his daddy:

Last night things changed.  He woke up fussing about every 1.5-2 hours, but was generally pretty easy to put back down.  However, the 4 of us are all snuggled up in a bed together, and at one point in the night, Shane woke-up and Travis and I both got up with him (I tried to console him before the crying woke up Jack, and Trav made his bottle).  We left Jackson, the wildest tosser & turner, in bed alone.  We heard the THUMP from the bathroom, then the tears came!  It took us about 1.5 hours to get both babies back to sleep!

One thing that complicates the picture of Shane’s fussiness is this pattern of straining we’ve been seeing.  He’s TOTALLY constipated, to a really painful degree, and I think some of his outbursts of fussing are related to that.  We had to pull the old Q-tip move yesterday, and that relieved him for a little while.  We have a sneaking suspicion that he’s lactose intolerant, and additionally, I am pretty sure the orphanage uses Dielac formula for all the babies there.  Yet, since we never made his bottles when we visited (we only fed them to him once Ngoc or Nho had made them), we took the head nanny’s word when she told us after the G&R to feed him Similac Advanced.  So I’m pretty sure we also just changed his formula cold turkey, and that probably didn’t help any!  Either way, when we get home we’ll switch him to Similac’s lactose-free formula and hopefully the tummy problems will resolve.

Today, we had our first few hours of just fun playtime with Shane, like we used to when we would visited him at his orphanage - he laughed, was content, made great eye contact, and was babbling away to us.  I’m hoping we start seeing more and more of that shining through.  I know he won’t be himself for awhile, but I am hopeful that his cute little personality will start breaking through the grief.

Jackson is doing pretty well on day 3 as a big brother.  There are times Jackson clearly doesn’t want one of us holding Shane, and it really kills me to hear his little voice saying “mama, mama, mama” to get my attention.  We’re trying to always have 1 parent devoted to Jackson at all times right now, and then when Shane is sleeping, to both be giving him as much 2 on 1 attention as we can.  Also, as expected, he’s taken quite a liking to all Shane’s things.  His new favorite toy is Shane’s glow worm.  And surprise - he also likes a binky, all of the sudden!  He’s also just learned the terrible word “MINE!”

Jackson has also taken to wearing my sling around.  He’s got his own style with it and likes to shove his baby dolls, or his panda bear beanie baby, Manchu, inside it:

Since Shane naps pretty much all the time right now, it’s been really easy to get them down together.  Here are the boys napping together ye
sterday:

Here they are as I write this post:

We said goodbye to Hoi An this morning, hopped on a plane, and are now in HCMC again.  We’ll be here until we’ve completed Shane’s medical visit and gotten his Vietnamese passport.  At that point, we’ll fly to Hanoi to submit all his paperwork to the Embassy.  They require a 48 hour hold before they will allow you to have your visa interview.  Most likely, we won’t be able to get our paperwork to them until close to the end of this week, and since they’re closed for MLK Day on Monday, we won’t be able to fly home until the middle of next week (Tuesday or Wednesday).  That means we either have 6 days in Hanoi, OR, we take a weekend trip somewhere…like, oh, say…Sapa?!!  We haven’t decided yet if we’re going to try and head up there - the trip involves an overnight train, which might be painful.  I know we’ll kick ourselves and be bored out of our minds if we’re in Hanoi AGAIN this trip for that long.  But I’m worried we’ll kick ourselves once we’re stuck on an overnight train with our 2 unpredictable babies.  We’ll see.  It’s the 1 place in Vietnam we’ve never ever been, but have ALWAYS wanted to go - it’s up in the mountains, on the border with China, and is really well-known for the ethnic minorities who live there and produce gorgeous dyes and textiles.  There’s also a peak there we’d love to climb, but we’ll have to save that for another year! 

Speaking of climbing peaks…2 of my little brothers successfully summitted Mt. Kilimanjaro a few days ago and just got home from Africa yesterday, safe and sound!  I am really proud of them!  Thanks to all of you who supported their charity climb and wished them luck on their adventure.

POST UPDATED 1-12-08 with G&R PHOTOS

Well, guess what?!  It’s official!  Shane’s Adoption Day, 1-11-08, will forever be a day our family celebrates. 

I cannot describe how impressed we are with our agency’s in-country staff and operations, or just how grateful we are to the provincial authorities who accommodated our very short-notice G&R request.  Here’s are some pictures Quoc took for us during the G&R, and on the car ride back from the G&R:

This G&R was actually very involved and formal, compared to Jackson’s G&R last year, which is a blur.  I remember being rushed through some paper signing, don’t remember being introduced to anyone, and at the end, a curtain was quickly pulled so our picture could be taken in front of the red background with Vietnamese writing that was never read to us.  This time around, we met the orphanage director, the head of the Dept. of Justice for the province, the head nanny met us there with Shane, with the manager of the orphanage accompanying her, and there were several other parties present as well.  Quoc translated everything, and it was all very personal.  The head of the DOJ told us they are happy to see how well cared for our first child is, and that they hope we also take good care of our second son, and the baby who is not yet born.  They explained how important it is to them we raise our children with a knowledge of Vietnam, Vietnamese customs, and hope that we bring them back one day.  They also confirmed our commitment to adhere to the post-placement reports so that the orphanage can follow our son’s growth, development, and upbringing.  Everyone wished us luck with all our endeavors and, of course, our family, with the coming of this new year.  They concluded the ceremony by pronouncing Le Viet Dung our son, officially.  It was ~40 minutes, all-in-all, and that was it…Shane came home with us! 

We are now back at the hotel after a several mile walk on the beach with both boys passed out in our Hotslings - Jack in Travis’, and Shane in mine.  Shane is slowly warming up to being in a sling, which is good! 

Jackson is doing really well, all things considered, as is his little brother.  We’ve only had to intervene a few times when Jackson considered exploring the temptation of stepping on Shane…but give him a break, it’s his first official day as a big brother;) 

Shane is doing well too.  Before today, I think I could have counted on 1 hand the number of times I’d seen him cry hard.  That has changed today, but we expected him to grieve.  We’re just thankful he’s been consolable by us thus far.  Interestingly, at one point he was crying pretty hard, so I played the video of Nho singing that lullaby to him.  He wheeled around to face the music, wide-eyed, and stopped crying! 

Here’s Jackson, seeming to get the concept of “quiet, the baby is sleeping…” only to start yelling at the top of his lungs seconds after saying “shhh,” and making the hand gesture:

It’s funny because over the past month we’ve been spending a few hours a day with him, so you’d expect that we’d gotten a handle on Shane’s daily routine.  Not so; per the nanny’s request, we always visited from ~10am - 12:30pm.  So we still really don’t know if he actually has a routine or not, or what he does each day outside that time block.  So far, it seems he has to nap roughly every 2 hours, as if he’s a newborn!   On that note, there are actually a few things about Shane that make me wonder if he was a premie.  For one, his weight when he arrived at the orphanage was only 4.5lbs.  Keep in mind Vietnamese babies are typically smaller and shouldn’t be plotted on US growth charts, but even so, that seems small.  Shane now weighs about 15lbs at ~6.5 months old, seems healthy in general, but is a little behind in terms of gross motor development.  Judging by his progress over the past month, I think he’ll catch up fast. 

Also, his nannies have always told us he does NOT sleep much at night, so we’re really looking forward to finding out exactly what that means!  We’re eager to find out all his little idiosyncrasies, and just so happy that he’s actually here with us right now.  I’m sorry this post wasn’t exactly inspiring or articulate.  We’re pretty exhausted from all the emotional ups and downs over the past few days.  I’m sure we won’t be catching up on any sleep any time soon, but I will write another update later this weekend!  Thanks again to all my awesome friends, family, and readers for the outpouring of support.  And a special thanks to M Lam for translating Nho’s lullaby in the comment on my last post!  That is absolutely priceless to my family.

These past 24 hours have felt like the Christmas we missed!  We went from stressing about debt, worrying about Travis’ medical education, feeling burned out, freaking out about Travis and Jackson having to fly back and leave me in Vietnam, super pregnant, to complete Shane’s adoption on my own…to getting what we thought was the most incredible news yesterday with the i600 approval, then finding out Hillary won NH primaries, both of which were then topped by a phone call from our in-country agency contact this morning telling us we have Shane’s G&R scheduled for TOMORROW morning at 9am!!!  Oh. My. Gosh.  What a crazy string of good news for us.

Our agency has 8 families who were issued i600 approvals yesterday, and while we would have loved to share the G&R day with those families, having ours this week means the difference between completing Shane’s adoption together and flying home as a family versus me having to get the Power of Attorney and staying in-country to complete it by myself so Travis can fly back with Jackson in time for his exams.  So, if all goes smoothly from here on out, we will have our G&R tomorrow, then fly to HCMC Sunday to take care of Shane’s passport and medical, then head up to Hanoi on Thursday of next week to submit our paperwork to the Embassy, then wait the mandatory 48 hours for the visa interview.  Unfortunately, President’s Day falls on Monday, so we probably won’t get out until the Tuesday or Wed. after that IF ALL GOES ACCORDINGLY.  The important part is, no one has to worry about me traveling 33 weeks pregnant by myself; I’ll be with my boys.  All of ‘em!

Today was strangely bittersweet.  We visited Shane’s orphanage one last time.  When we decided to travel on our own to Vietnam, prior to i600 approval, we never imagined we’d end up volunteering for a month at our son’s orphanage!  And while the visits are exhausting, and we have gotten slightly burned out on trying to keep Jackson content each day we do the 1:15 drive to and from Shane’s orphanage, it has been an incredible opportunity.  From a bonding perspective with Shane, definitely incredible.  To ease Jackson into having a new baby around, also a great thing.  But there was also tremendous personal reward for us in connecting with Shane’s nannies, growing to know and love the other babies with whom our son has “grown-up” thus far, and being able to reach out to their waiting families to offer updates on all the milestones we watched their babies meet, share pictures and tidbits about each of their personalities, etc.

I do think we’ve made lifelong friendships with other families whose babies have lived with Shane all this time, and those relationships, I hope, will provide something from which our children will derive as much benefit in the future as we parents have in the present.  Saying goodbye to the nannies and the other babies was difficult, and Travis and I left the orphanage today feeling such a range of intense emotions.  I am so happy a few of Shane’s little buddies will be leaving the orphanage next week, and so sad that the others are still waiting on i600’s.  I also felt so sad for the nannies today, who were genuinely happy for us, but so sad to hear several of their babies are leaving them. 

These women have given SO MUCH of themselves to care for our babies!  I worked in daycare the year before I started medical school, and let me tell ya, that is one of the hardest jobs with the highest rates of burn out.  But these women do it for 10 times as many babies, day in and day out.  They sleep there, they eat there, they spend almost every waking moment changing babies, washing babies, feeding babies, singing to babies, soothing babies, playing with babies.  They truly truly love each and every one of them.  Here’s Shane with the 2 nannies, Nho and Ngoc, with whom we’ve spent nearly everyday for the past month or so (I promise this will be the last time you see him in this Christmas outfit;):

It is SO exciting that the next time we see Shane, we won’t be leaving him after just a few hours.  He’ll be with us forever now.  Here is one last parting gift from Nho to Shane and us.  Is this voice not the most comforting sound you’ve ever heard?!

My last shout out goes to my friend Emily, who has been such an awesome friend throughout our adoption journeys.  She has been at the other end of all the changes and crap, and has stayed strong and supportive of others who have received good news while she received the crappy news.  There are SO FEW people in the world who are able to be genuinely happy for others, even in the face of really sour news for themselves, but Emily is just that kind of person.  She has been waiting AGES for travel (already 6+ months I think), has been skipped, leap-frogged (by many, us included), had to watch her baby grow through photo updates, and we’re now just praying she gets her approval and her precious little girl home before Tet.  This family deserves some good news more than anyone! 

Yup, this is the post where I tell you we FINALLY got our i600 approval.  Just came home from buying puzzle mats for Shane’s orphanage (the nannies LOVED them and requested more) at the market in Danang, checked email, and guess what was there?!!  The freakin highly coveted email from CIS / State Dept. saying congrats, you’re son qualifies as an orphan and you may adopt him.  Somehow, on day 51 of our 60 maximum, the State Dept. surprised us with an approval.  After all the disappointment they’ve caused in taking their sweet time with this, we are left feeling ecstatic and thrilled that we’ve received a favorable determination prior to the 60 day limit they set for themselves! 

I’ll write an update on our G&R and travel plans when we know more.  Thank you EVERYONE for your incredible support, prayers, and all the optimism you’ve passed along. 

Here’s to becoming a party of 5!  CHEERS!

I know I say this every time we visit him, but today was really awesome - we saw Shane this morning and Jackson was the cutest little big brother ever!  He helped Daddy feed Baby Shane and everything!  Jackson even stuck his finger in Shane’s ear to try and help him go to sleep (remember when I wrote about Jackson’s special “off switch -” the finger in the ear that puts him to sleep?).

Shane was his usual precious self today.  He is such a funny little guy - he has to be one of the laziest babies ever!  Our translator from our very first visit to meet Shane told us this is because he was born in the year of the pig (2007).  Either way, when your big brother is Jackson, your mom and dad really appreciate that quality in a baby.  Maybe it’s not so much laziness as it is just contentment.  Shane is just not in a hurry to do anything, he’s not antsy, he’s not particular.  He’s just easy. 

The most hysterical part of the visit came at the very end, when Shane was falling asleep and one of his nannies put him in his rocking crib.  Jackson showed interest, so she plopped him into the crib next to Shane.  She sings these lullabies in Vietnamese and has the most incredible, melodic, soothing voice.  I told her again today, her singing even makes me want to hop in a crib and drift off to sleep!  Jackson actually laid there with her singing and swinging his crib, and probably would have taken a nap had we been able to stay long enough.  It was a riot.  So here are my boys, swinging side by side:

And here’s Jack, actually entertaining the idea of a nap!  I already got this nanny’s permission to record her singing this lullaby, but does anyone know where I could get one of these cribs back home?!

Here’s a sneak peek of a matching outfit I have for my boys.  Jackson LOVES wearing his bear hat around:

And so all my babies are included in this post, Belly Baby is now 30 weeks!  S/he now weighs ~3lbs, and is over 15 inches long.  I can’t believe how fast this pregnancy is flying by!  This will be one well-traveled kid by the time s/he arrives - conceived in Peru, spent trimesters I and II all over the U.S., and a good chunk of trimester III in Vietnam.  Here’s Belly Baby at week 30:

We’re doing well, hanging in here the best we can.  We’re closing in on our 60 days Jan. 18, so hopefully we’ll hear something good soon.  In the meantime, Travis has been studying a few hours a day to keep up with medical school, and I’ve been in contact with my family doc via email so if anything comes up, I won’t feel quite so far away from medical care for this pregnancy.  My doctor is awesome, and totally laid back too.  She feels fine about me traveling 33-34 weeks pregnant.  Let’s hope I won’t have to push it beyond that…because then, even I’ll be a little nervous! 

Nada.  Nil.  Zip.  Zero.  Ziltch.  Freakin NOTHING at all.  We’re pretty bummed, to put it lightly.  We saw Shane this morning, then got “home” in time to spend the afternoon hitting the refresh button in hopes the I-600 approval email would roll in eventually.  But, it didn’t. 

I thought we’d be a tad cheered up when we went for the fitting at a tailor for Travis and his dad’s dress shirts, and the dress I had made for $14 - in a fleeting moment of optimism, I thought it’d make a pretty G&R dress.  My night only got worse when I put that thing on and realized it is possible to find a garment that could make my boobs appear even more amorphous and shapeless than they already seem to me at the moment.  Not only that, but the dress was so thin it actually accentuated the dreaded “pop” of my belly button that is now grotesquely underway.  On that note, I’ll add that my morning routine begins with a quick jaunt to the mirror to make sure the feared stretch marks haven’t yet appeared.  Thank gosh I’ve evaded that one thus far, but much to my horror, my once cute little belly button is now totally dysmorphic.  Oh boy, this is fun!  Travis has taken to reciting the nursery rhyme “Humpty Dumpty,” and actually tried to take a picture of me in that God-awful dress today.  He got SUCH a kick out of me with that horrid thing on.  Thank gosh it was cheap; the laughs it gave us might’ve been worth that price!  And don’t even ask- the “picnic table” bathing suit was one thing, but don’t expect a photo of this one! 

Anyway, back to the I-600 thing.  There’s been an interesting turn of events since no approvals seemed to go out on Thursday.  I was feeling so numb I couldn’t even muster tears today.  It’s this horrible feeling of defeat.  To the point where Travis and I talked about how we couldn’t even imagine finding that approval in our inbox at this point.  There’s no “celebration” when we do eventually get it because it’s so damn overdue and is just about at our worst worse case scenario as is!  We’re now on day #45 since we received acknowledgment of our I-600 submission from USCIS, meaning we’re getting damn close to their 60 day max.  The first wave of approvals went to families after 2 weeks of waiting post-acknowledgment!  Those of us logged 1 day later are almost at 7 weeks now?!  That’s wild, if you ask me. 

So, that’s that.  I guess all bets are off now.  Maybe they’ll issue a big wave of approvals on Thursday, January 3rd, at night, Eastern Standard Time!  Hahaha, that must be the confusion.  And all this time we thought they were talking about Vietnam time.  So I guess we should all check tomorrow morning, Vietnam time, or tonight EST.  That’s probably the mix-up.  Phew, I feel so much better now that that’s cleared up.  You can’t really expect government workers to get it all right all the time.  Ya know? 

We’ll keep you posted if we hear anything else on that front.  In other news, we got our VISAs extended (b/c our 30 days runs out this week) without any trouble.  The funny part about that is that when we went to the VISA office by ourselves, the guy told us it costs $40 and would take 4 business days.  We got the applications to fill out and brought them back to the hotel, where everyone knows us by now and Jackson is something of a celebrity who goes by the name “Bao” around here (his Vietnamese name).  The extension requires a Vietnamese sponsor, which the hotel front desk staff was more than willing to be for us.  One of the women offered to accompany us back to drop off our applications for VISA extension, and somehow, in her presence and with her mediating, they only charged us $20 for each, stamped a new date on them, and the whole transaction was done in a matter of 5 minutes!!  You really gotta love how things work in Vietnam! 

On Jackson news, he has a few new antics that are just an absolute riot.  I have a few on video, but we forgot our software at home to get the movies off the camera onto the computer.  My favorite one is this hilarious routine where Travis asks “Jack, what does Mommy say?” Jackson responds with “blaaaaaaaah,” tongue hanging out of his mouth and all.  Then they die laughing together.  Glad they got such a kick out of me barfing my brains out!   As I mentioned in his 18 month update, he LOVES to wear our shoes around.  Here he is sporting my running shoes and getting a real kick out of himself:

On other random news, my Step 2 board scores came in today and I passed!  Actually, I did pretty well, which was a pleasant surprise.  I beat my Step 1 score by a few points, which is nice since I’ve been rather out of the loop for over a year now.  I am so so so glad I got that out of the way before all this chaos erupted, before we finally do get home with Shane, and before Belly Baby is close on the horizon in addition.

Well, that’s it for now.  Thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts.  Hopefully they’ll bring good news soon!  In the meantime, don’t worry about us.  We’re bummed and frustrated with how things are going, but at the end of the day, there’s only so much that’s under our control and we wouldn’t change any of our decisions; this time has been really valuable for us as a family in the long-run and hopefully it’ll all be a happy memory soon enough. 

Happy New Year everyone!  I thought our New Year’s Eve was a comical piece of foreshadowing for 2008: Jackson passed out at 6:30pm, so we ordered room service and a bottle of champagne, but fell asleep at 10:30pm before we’d even opened the bubbly!  I’ve already told Travis he’d better have several bottles of champagne AND a HUGE platter of sushi (yes, I finally gave that up for pregnancy too) waiting in my delivery suite.  Same thing will probably happen there too though!  So this NYE didn’t quite compare to last our last couple - 3 years ago was a wild time in Budapest, 2 years ago was a blast in Peru, and last year was wonderful with family Florida, right after we’d gotten home from Vietnam with Jackson.  Ah well, let’s hope 2008 brings more Goods and lots of greatness;)  I really crack myself up!

Ok, before I get into the not-so-fun part of my post, I’ll share something exciting…got my first “GIRL” guess by a Vietnamese woman assessing the belly today.  Here’s a recent picture (29+ weeks) so you can judge for yourself using whatever old wives’ tales you know:

Here’s something else shocking: guess what Shane did today…yup, fell asleep in my arms.  I am loving this napping concept!

Everything Travis does makes him laugh, smile, and giggle.  I, on the other hand, have this effect on him, which is just fine by me!  Shane’s nannies have told us that now, when we’re not there holding him, he just cries constantly.  I don’t know if that makes me feel good or bad!  A little of both, I guess. 

So, at this point, I’m starting to wonder if all my kids will have been born in Vietnam!  On the bright side, they’d all gain Vietnamese citizenship.  Seriously though, we’re really hoping for approval in this week’s batch, but we realize that’s not the most likely scenario.  We’re thinking we have a more realistic shot at getting it next week.  Either way, we’ve decided we really have to find a way to stay here.  Tet is rapidly approaching (Feb. 7th) and the number of applications awaiting approval is also mounting; according to our count, only 9 have gone out to date.  It’s likely that a bunch will go out this week, and hopefully next week too, but there’s obviously still a huge backlog. 

Since CIS is planning to stick to that 60 day timeframe we were all initially quoted, it means many of us will be coming up on that at the end of January.  Our 60 days is up on January 18th.  If we’re looking at a worst case scenario here, which seems to be what we’re moving towards with the pace of the US gov’t, a wave of approvals will be due to be issued right before Tet…just in time for there to be no affordable or available flights into the country, really expensive internal transportation, not to mention the Vietnamese gov’t shutting down for nearly a month!  Sorry to be “Downer Debbie” (aka medical school Laurie) again, but that is seeming like the very harsh reality for those of us this new policy has screwed affected.  In other words, if we leave now without Shane, it probably won’t be feasible to travel for him until close to the beginning of March.  Since Belly Baby is due the 2nd week of that month, it means Travis wouldn’t really be able to go until probably the end of March, and I’m just not alright with that.  I know I am coming off as very self-centered at the moment, worrying only about my own family, but I have also thought about what this will mean for the others stuck in this new process too.  I truly feel for them and hope that their adoptions are also not as delayed by this as we are all fearing. 

It kills me to think about how this I-600 stuff is playing out for the babies - so many will be spending significant extra time in orphanages.  Why?  Because of a small handful of agencies who employ people willing to do disgusting things to falsify orphan status, or who were so damn sloppy and careless with their paperwork that they brought into question the legitimacy of an orphan’s abandonment in an attempt to rush out referrals.  Now those families are stuck in terrible situations, as are those of us with other agencies, all of which have been subject to the new I-600 policy.  Yeah, I’m pissed about it.  And I know this is an extreme statement, but sometimes I wonder who’s worse off: the families waiting for I-600 approvals while their babies spend extra months laying on bamboo mats in poorly funded orphanages, or those families who have had their G&Rs, are living with their babies in Vietnam, and are now fighting NOIDs, the majority of whom are likely to have their NOIDs overturned due to the disparity in resources…big time attorneys battling an overstretched, understaffed, government agency with limited resources.  Not to pit us against them because both situations totally blow, and I don’t blame those poor families, just their agencies.  It’s just that 1 of these situations affects families with innocent agencies and is much worse for their babies in the short-term.  I say the short-term because when it’s all said and done, I would rather my kid spend an extra 2 months in an orphanage as opposed to having to explain to him when he’s a questioning teenager that his orphan status came into doubt and we had to pay a big time lawyer to fight for his visa.  Obviously, I wouldn’t rather be sitting here with a NOID.  I’m just presenting an extremist perspective for argument’s sake.  And because I’m frustrated.

Anyway, back to our situation here.  Staying here means a few things: 1) I’ll be traveling more pregnant than I’d hoped, but as long as we’re en route home by 34 weeks pregnant, I’m ok with that (eek, I know) 2) Travis will be missing a LOT of school - since he’s done pretty well up to this point and he’s been a self-learner (read: never goes to class) from the start, his school has been very flexible with him (thank God he didn’t go to Georgetown for med school;).  Depending on when our approval finally does come through, Travis may stay for the G&R, then fly home with Jackson so he can minimize the amount of school he misses.  We would go through the drill of getting me Power of Attorney so I can stay with Shane and finish the rest of the paperwork (medical, passport, visa interview). 

So that’s our plan.  It sucks, but it’s the best we’ve got at this point.  The part I’m most worried about is having to get POA and staying here without Jackson.  It’d mean I might have to be away from him for ~1 week.  This will be REALLY hard for me, and for him.  I can count the number of times I’ve been away from him on 1 hand, and the only time it was more than 3 hours was the day I took boards, which was still only 8 or 9 hours.  I thought that was bad!  I guess I’m also a little worried about the long flights home potentially by myself, with a new baby, cankles, and a huge belly that makes bending over a little challenging.  No one said this would be easy, but I didn’t imagine it would play out quite like this either.  Wish us luck!

Well, looks like we most definitely will not have Shane for Christmas.  We spoke with one of the State Dept. officers in Hanoi yesterday afternoon and were informed that our approval will not be issued until probably the first week in January.  Apparently there is an officer on vacation, probably the one who processes I-600’s, and it seems approvals have dried up since she’s been out.  He informed us that the State Dept. is understaffed for the holidays, and that although there’s a slim chance we could get it, approval is not likely next week either.  We received our I-600 acknowledgement on 11/20, so an approval the week of New Years will put us at ~6 weeks processing time.  And it wasn’t a desk at CIS that it’s been sitting on all this time, as we’d thought.  The process is apparently 2 fold - first your application is cleared by CIS, where a recommendation is made for the State Dept. to further investigate through the initiation of a field investigation, or the recommendation is made that an approval be granted.  Apparently, even if an approval is recommended, your application is still likely to sit on a desk at the State Dept. level until it gets its stamp of approval and you receive your email confirming that.   

We are devastated, to say the least.  The government employees keep stating that they are still within their 60 day timeframe, as if that is some comfort to families on whom this new policy was unexpectedly sprung.  It’s not like we’d planned for that 60 days to be part of our wait, considering the policy was implemented almost immediately and without warning, just prior to our anticipated travel.  We’ve now missed our G&R by ~3 weeks, and there’s still no definite end in sight.  I don’t take comfort in the fact that they’re still within the generous 60 day window they’ve allotted themselves, especially since I know that time isn’t being used to investigate anything on our case…it’s just time they give themselves for applications to sit on a desk even when they’re ready to be stamped.  I think those first 9 approvals truly were just good faith approvals to show things are moving along in the new system.  I don’t think there was ever any intention of issuing any more than that before the holidays.  Crap, if we’d have known, we would’ve planned our family vacation to Vietnam for Dec. 26th.  Hindsight…

Don’t get me wrong, I still think the policy is a step in the right direction.  I still think it is actually necessary to slow down the volume of referrals and the quick timelines in which some agencies are processing those referrals.  But I can’t help but be frustrated by how this policy has affected us.  We’ve waited months now, missed our anticipated G&R, and still we have no definite date to go by.  It’s just a fact that the families who were gearing up to travel just as the policy was implemented just plain got screwed…and so did our babies because they’ll have spent an extra 2ish months in an orphanage.

This news has left us 2 options: 1) Go home for Christmas and await approval there, at which point Travis will travel back to Vietnam alone, or 2) Stay in Vietnam 2-3 more weeks waiting for approval and then completing Shane’s adoption altogether (me, Jack, Travis, and Granjoe, who has shown us the most incredible love and support and who has opted to stick it out with us).  Either way, it kind of feels like a lose-lose.  Leaving Shane here just stinks, and I have no idea how we’d explain to him when he’s older that we came, visited, then left to have Christmas with Jackson at home with family while he stayed here in an orphanage.  I don’t think I could stand the guilt of leaving him here while we enjoy a warm and wonderful Christmas in the US.  On the other hand, I cannot even tell you how sad it is that we won’t be spending Christmas at home with our families (again), and that my adult siblings (2 brothers and 1 sister) won’t have a chance to get to know Jackson (or Shane, obviously) at this age.  And boy did Santa have some special things planned for Jackson.  Jackson’s Yiayia and Papa are really sad they won’t get to see his little face light up on Christmas morning when he sees that ride-on Thomas the Tank Train circling the tree on its tracks, or his adorable rocking horse waiting for him under the tree.  His Aunt Heather and Gramma won’t get to see his response to the magic of Christmas at their house either this year.  We promise though, as ridiculous as it’ll be to make the trek from CO to FL with 3 toddlers/babies in tow, we WILL be home for Christmas next year and the year after!   

We went to see Shane today, and even though we only got an hour with him because it was nap time, it helped us solidify our decision to stay in Vietnam and await approval.  Yes, Jackson, Travis, Granjoe, and I are going to hang here in Vietnam and try to make this as positive as we can by seeing Shane and enjoying this country while we wait here for him.  As hard as the next 2-3 weeks are going to be on all of us, I think it’s the right thing to do for our family.  From a bonding perspective, it’s pretty ideal to be able to spend a few hours a day with him in his orphanage, where he’s comfortable, having him get used to us in the setting that feels safe and familiar to him.  He’s already much more comfortable with both me and Travis.  I think it’s also good for Jackson to ease into having a new baby around.  He’s getting used to seeing us hold Shane without it being 24/7 right away.  Of course, we’d rather just have gotten our approval and have our darn G&R already…but we’re looking for silver linings here, so that’s one of them.  We’ve decided on a 4 day rotation schedule: the first 2 days, Travis and I alternate visiting Shane and staying back at the beach to spend time with Jack and his Granjoe.  The 3rd day we all (Jack, Trav, Grandjoe, and I) go to visit Shane.  The 4th day we take off and just relax at the beach and pool together.               

I sobbed on the way back to the hotel from Shane’s orphanage today.  It was brought on by leaving him after an hour, the reality of missing the holidays setting in, and just feeling homesick for my family.  I didn’t really clarify, but what it means that we won’t be getting approval until after the New Year is that my 23 year old brother, Alex, and my 20 year old brother, Jeremy, will have already left the US to do their charity climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro.  After their trip to Africa, Alex heads back to Siberia, where he works as an engineer for 7 days a week, 7 weeks straight.  He gets 3 weeks off after every 7 weeks he puts in, but Colorado from Siberia isn’t the easiest trip to make, although he’s come out before.  Jeremy heads back to college on the East Coast.  Then there’s the really depressing news that even though my older sister is coming out to Colorado to interview for residency (she’s a med student too) the first week of January, we now won’t even be there by then!  So we’ll miss her completely too.  We’ll have to fly straight back to CO when we are finished with Shane’s adoption in Vietnam because Travis will have already missed the first few weeks of class!!  Plus, we’ll be in my shouldn’t-really-travel-unless-I-absolutely-have-to window of pregnancy by then.  So we won’t even get to celebrate a late Christmas with Travis mom, sister, and my family. 

Yes, this blows.  But as my optimistic friend accurately pointed out, it could always be worse.  We could be with a shady agency or have been issued a NOID.  That would definitely be worse!  As it is, I shouldn’t complain too much.  Check out this GORGEOUS resort we’re stayi
ng at right now:

And how cute is my kid?

His Dad is pretty darn cute too, in my opinion…

And because I’m tired of being harassed, here’s the damn picnic table;)

I don’t have any new Shane pictures from today because we learned that we aren’t really supposed to be taking tons of pictures at a (sort of) government facility.  They asked us to be discrete when we do take any photos, and since our super duper Nikon 40DS with the HUGE lens is anything BUT discrete, we didn’t whip it out today.  We have an open invitation to visit our son, but it is clear we are a pain in the neck and not all of the nannies love having us there…if you can imagine that;)  I think they just have a routine, and any visitors just throws that off a bit.  Actually, in an excellent effort to minimize the germ exposure, the only visitors they allow are adoptive parents and the orphanage nurse.  So, we’re making an concerted effort to NOT piss off the nannies anymore than absolutely necessary to see Shane.  That’s why we might be a little skimpy on the pictures of Shane and his buddies from now on (our apologies to the other families as well).

About the baby with hydrocephalus in Hoi An…our agency already had her medically evaluated.  Apparently there were 2 babies with this condition at that orphanage, and 1 received the shunt.  The baby I was sick over is not a surgical candidate, so there is nothing to do for her except pray.  Thank you to everyone who offered to help fund her medical care.  I am so sad there is nothing we can do for her in that regard.  I will visit her again while we are here and will just sit with her and talk to her to help her feel less alone.  So now that I’m crying again, I’ll go ahead and sign off!

That’s plenty of news from us for now.  We’ll keep you posted on things.  Thanks for all the support out there from friends, family, and fellow APs/PAPs. 

The last few days have been great - we spent time in Hoi An, and visited the orphanage there.  It’s predominantly a special needs facility and there was one baby there who just broke my heart.  She had the most severe case of hydrocephalis I’ve ever seen, and she was only 5 months old.  I’ve passed on her info to our agency and we’re hoping they can help us coordinate her medical care if we can raise the funds for her to have a shunt placed.  I tried not to cry until after we’d left, but I couldn’t hold back the tears in the end.  This poor little thing had ulcers on her scalp from laying in the same position day after day.  I asked to hold her, but the nannies said “no,” that they were unable to move her because her head is too large.  I stroked her cheek and talked to her and she responded.  To be honest, I am shocked she’s lived this long.  She is absolutely suffering, and it was heartbreaking to see. 

Hoi An is one of the neatest little towns in Vietnam, possibly my favorite of all.  There’s a charm to it that I can’t really describe.  Here’s a picture of that famous bridge that is on the top of our blog:

We left Hoi An on Sunday and have been in Hanoi since.  Jackson, George, and Ange LOVED the water puppets, as did our parents.  It was my 3rd time seeing the show, and it was just a awesome as the very first time for me. 

Yesterday, I went with my parents, George, and Ange to Ha Long Bay.  Travis, his dad, and Jack stayed back to avoid the 3.5 hours each way in the car.  I got to spend some good time with my mom and dad, and they agreed Ha Long Bay is incredible.  It was a really foggy day, but I thought that kind of added to the mystique of the place.  Travis and I have been there when it was clearer though and the water color is normally this beautiful emerald color that my parents didn’t get to see.

As for our I-600 status…still nothing.  We have been hopeful every single day, but our approval has still not yet been issued.  So, there’s now no possible chance of us making it home for Christmas with the boys.  We’re just hoping to have the approval before this week ends so we can at least be with Shane for his first Christmas.  My parents leave to go home tonight, so as planned, we’re saying good-bye to them and flying back to Central Vietnam ourselves.  We’ll just wait it out there and hope our approval comes soon.  In the meantime, we’re going to gather gifts for the kids at Hoi An orphanage and Travis will play Santa Claus there.  We’re hoping to take turns visiting Shane at his orphanage this weekend.  I’ll keep you all posted if we do get any good news!