Category — controversial

First, if you haven’t already, please go enter the Tiny Tags giveaway before May 4th!

Secondly, I’m looking for some help with something.  I am working with an awesome woman who creates the most unique and beautiful custom jewelry.  She is interested in making a few pieces that celebrate adoption and already has the gorgeous design down, but is looking for a symbol, phrase, quote, or something to be part of it.  When she asked me for other adoptionisms similar to “born in our hearts,” I had to pause and reflect on my feelings about the quotes and adoption poems I’ve heard.  I’m not trying to offend anyone, just trying to open up a productive conversation and get some ideas for a special piece of jewelry that celebrates our children in our lives and honors their first mother at the same time. 

How do you all feel about the adoption cliches, poems, and sayings we always hear?  I’m talking about the things like “born in our hearts,” “blood is thicker than water,” the “labor of the heart” or “invisible red thread” concepts, and of course the longer poems that tend to rose-color adoption and, imo, diminish the contributions, significance, and often times pain of our kids’ first moms.  I know they are all well-intentioned and some are really beautiful concepts, but to me, most of those 1) downplay the role of the 1 and only woman who gave our kids the gift of life, 2) unnecessarily draw comparison between biology and adoption (blood versus water), or 3) attach feelings to the member of the adoption triad for whom we cannot speak nor presume to understand. 

I understand why we do it, and I know it’s popular to do.  I’m just asking if it’s ever made any one else, as it has me, the slightest bit uncomfortable.  I am trying to come up with some way to commemorate my kids history and the woman who brought them into the world without pretending they were “carried on wings of an angel,” or delivered by a stork, or anything euphamistic like that.  Because the truth is, while I do not presume to know anything about the women who gave my boys life, I do know they aren’t in this world because I “labored in my tears,” or anything like that.  There was a woman who labored physically and emotionally, then experienced the undeniable pain of childbirth to deliver them into the world.  Jack and Shane’s stories began with that woman, that event, and I do not want to diminish her role or her life so that Jack & Shane’s presence in mine can feel less complicated.  It just doesn’t really seem fair and it makes me wonder if my kids will grow up, hear those things, and feel conflicted that their birth mothers got the shaft and are never truly remembered.  Or if hearing things like “blood is thicker than water” will make them feel like there’s a tug-of-war over them and that it’s some competition to see if their genetic makeup has made any contribution to their beings that we, the adoptive families, cannot “overcome.”  That is NOT how I see my kids’ genetic heritage.  I want them to know that I value and treasure who they are to their very core, and that I will always encourage them to remember, respect, and honor the woman who gave them life.  There is 1 poem I’ve read that I think honors both birth and adoptive parent contributions, and that’s called Legacy of an Adopted Child.  That’s obviously far too long for jewelry though!

My question is, how do you guys feel about these poems and are their any adoption sayings, quotes, or just words that you do like or that you do think are appropriately commemorative to first parents?  What words would you like to see on a piece of jewelry honoring adoption?

As a side note, I encourage you to contribute your ideas; they may earn you some extra entries into a giveaway, should one be held, and a really sweet discount if your idea is actually used in the creation of the piece of jewelry.  I’m just sayin’…

Don’t forget to enter The Littleague GIVEAWAY!

I’ve taken a break from the heavier discussion topics but now I have one more very sincere religion question, since you all did such an awesome job of answering my previous ones…

As the title suggests, it’s about prayer. 

Is anything fair game when it comes to prayer?  I mean, does God really hears ALL prayers?  Like when people pray for a sports team to win, or people who prayed for 1 candidate to win the presidential election?  If those are legitimate prayers, does it mean people didn’t pray hard enough if they don’t get the outcome for which they prayed?  Ok, obviously those are loaded questions since I wouldn’t have really considered those "prayable" things.  I can see praying that all players stay healthy, or that whatever candidate wins is given clarity and judgement to lead this country, etc.  But where’s the line on what’s legitimate prayer material and what isn’t?  What do you think? 

And what about prayer requests?  Would God not know that we’re praying for something if there weren’t other people praying with us?  It has just always made me wonder what happens to the kids starving to death or dying of malaria, AIDS, TB, cholera, etc. in Africa who don’t have anyone to pray for them, or kids in orphanages all over the world who will never be adopted.

Like I said in a previous post, I do pray, so I’m not knocking prayer.  I’m just analyzing it and wondering if anyone else has ever thought about these things?  What do you all think? 

The hardest part about this NaBloPoMo thing is that posting everyday leaves little time for topics that really require lengthy discussion!  But thank you for keeping up with me, and going back to comment on previous posts as well. 

As for the homeschool topic, Elaine read the beginning of my post and wanted to correct my assertion that the homeschool movement was started by fundamentalist Christians.  I think my point is the same (Christians make up the majority of the movement), but I stand corrected.  Thank you to Jonathan for providing more the the history as well.  I found this website, where the author actually made the same assumption I did to begin with, but goes back to fact check herself using a survey done in 2003.  She clarifies that the majority of homeschoolers, while Christian, are not necessarily Fundamentalist.  As it turns out, 72% of homeschoolers claim there is a religious reason they are choosing to homeschool, with 30% citing it is the most important reason. 

Many of you have seen the documentary, "Jesus Camp," which I think feeds the stigma and stereotypes many people have come to believe about homeschooling.  If you haven’t seen it, here’s a pertinent clip:

This movie terrified me, personally, and is precisely why I started my last post by saying my reasons for homeschooling are most definitely NOT to teach creationism or brainwash my kids about the "conspiracy theory" of global warming.  This clip sums up the stigma a lot of you mentioned, but there are other ways and reasons to homeschool.  And it will always be a priority of mine to expose my kids to the "real world," and make sure they meet people who are very different from us.  It was ingrained in me that one of the most critical ways to expand our minds is to leave home for college.  Going away to college did so much for me - it let me take the foundations my parents had given me in my childhood, experience other perspectives, integrate it all, and truly form my own world view.  Traveling abroad (all over Europe, through Central America, the Caribbean, South America, and Asia) assisted me in forming my own world views as well, and those are largely the experiences that shaped me as an adult.  I want to give my kids those opportunities too. 

I agree with many of you that the most difficult aspect will be the socialization factor.  I see it as my job to ensure my kids are emotionally adept, not inept, and comfortable in many diverse situations, which I think traveling and volunteering will help with.  But there’s a selfish component that makes homeschooling a real challenge as well.  If you talk to parents of school-aged kids, many of their adult friends are made through their children.  I’ve already found this to be the case, and my kids aren’t even in any type of daycare or school program yet!  Again, a surmountable challenge - our friends would have to come from our careers, the neighborhood, parents we meet at soccer practice, etc. - but a challenge nonetheless.  To the parents who homeschool, has that been hard for YOU (not just your kids)?

Thank you all for supporting my interest in homeschooling!  I may have confused you all with my plans for our family though; I was giving my ideal scenario, which isn’t my current reality.  We are in no position at present to homeschool, unfortunately, because I am going back to medicine…more on that in future posts.  I talk about it often, but the reality is that we have an absurd amount of debt to pay off, and it’s not going anywhere if I stay home and homeschool our kids.  Our goal is to pay that off as quickly as we can, then be in a position to consider homeschooling, if it still seems right for our family.  The debt thing means homeschooling probably won’t be an option until our kids are a bit older, which stinks, but at least there are a few really good school options (public and private if they get scholarships) locally in the meantime.  Thanks for all the great input on this (and other) topics! 

Did you think I was going to break my NaBloPoMo, 30 posts in 30 days, promise? Well, I almost did. My computer will no longer turn on. I guess it didn’t like my last blog topic. I’m using our outdated upstairs computer that we use to store back-up data, etc, for now. Hopefully it won’t crash!

I wanted to thank all of you who left thoughtful and respectful comments on the last post. I wasn’t looking to be scolded for my irreverance or lack of faith, and had hoped people could explain their perspectives without using the words “wrong,” and “only 1 way,” etc. I was genuinely interested in how people could answer those questions from a Christian perspective, so thank you for doing that so well.

As always, I found Amanda’s comment to be beautifully written and very enlightening. J also always amazes me with the way she practices Evangelical Christianity, a religion many people admitted in their comments to thinking is purely intolerant, yet she approaches everything with admirable openness, and her message is always love and tolerance. I have to admit, J breaks a lot of my stereotypes. I joke with her all the time that her church really needs to hire the PR group that works for the Church of Latter Day Saints (the Mormon church). Of course, there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule, but Travis and I have found LDS members to do a pretty incredible job of praciticing the preachings of their church. There’s something about demonstrating the teachings of your religion without ever having to actually speak of it that impresses me. [Amanda, do you think your sensitivity and acceptance of other cultures and religions has to do with doing missions overseas? Is it just you and Sterling? Or is it your church's attitude as well?]

As for my where I am, personally, with religion…I guess I would describe it as an aversion to organized religion. It stems, in part, from the place in which I was raised. A wealthy town that seems to be a volatile mixture of hardcore Fundamentalist Christians and a sizeable Jewish population. Travis and I grew up in families that didn’t fit into either of those categories until recently, but now both of our families fall towards the former. I am very hyperaware of the religious tension, and I have a hard time with it when we go home. The last time we were down there, Travis and I were really disturbed by the planes flying overhead, writing “Jesus Saves,” in the sky. Prosthyletizing is one thing, but that kind of in-your-face, we-own-the-sky, all-out relgious warfare is just too much for me. And the church service we’ve been attending each year at Christmas with our families always has 1 person, who they call a “completed Jew,” stand up and give his testimony, which is incredibly offensive to my Jewish friends since the automatic inference is that they are “incomplete” if they are still practicing Jews. The rest of the service is full of talk of hell, gnashing of teeth, and reminding us all that there is only 1 “right way.” It’s a hard pill for me to swallow, especially at Christmas, and I just end up feeling so turned off by it all because the message is so harsh and so abrasive.

I went on a medical mission trip the year before I started medical school with a doctor from this church. We went to Haiti and worked in a church-run, very makeshift clinic. It was my first exposure to patients with serious infectious diseases, like TB, as well as people dying of malnutrition. The doctor I worked with would often use the lure of medical treatment and nutrition supplements to draw people into the church, which I found hugely morally objectionable. It was manipulation of the most vulnerable people. But she used a very Machiavellian logic, and however she got people to Christ (even through bribery) was ok so long as she got them to say “I accept Jesus as my savior.”

I had other earlier experiences that shaped my stereotypes and my opinions into less than positive ones as well. But for me, whenever I get curious and ask questions, I get lost and tune it all out when I start hearing those words again: “wrong,” “the only way,” “hell,” “eternal damnation,” etc. It just ends up leaving such a bad taste in my mouth and makes me feel so negative. And as several of you pointed out, the harsh reality seems to be that Christianity is a very exclusive religion. It makes no room for others because the foundation of it is that Jesus is the only way. But it was nice to hear that exemption clause for people who have never had the chance to accept or reject it, like our kids’ birthparents if they’ve never heard the Bible preached. That God does give them a chance in the afterlife to make a choice.

Not to go political on you, but I’ve also had a really hard time the last 8 years with the seemingly inseparable church and state issue and the Evangelical / Fundamentalist Christian = Republican movement, which has just pushed me further and further away from ever wanting to expose my kids to religion. I’m truly not trying to offend anyone here, I’m just talking about the experiences I’ve had and how they have shaped where I am with religion today. It may seem weird, but that affiliation is one of the biggest turn-offs of all to me.

I know that intolerant, judgemental, hateful, self-riteous people are not truly practicing Christianity, and the really amazing Christians out there (like J, Amanda, and the others of you who wrote comments that were loving and non-judgemental) remind me of that. But the associations are so ingrained in my head that I can’t separate the majority of people I see practicing their idea of Christianity from the true religion. Does that make sense?

And moreover, I don’t want a religious affiliation with people who practice intolerance. I know the relationship is supposed to be about me and God, and that part I am good with. I do pray. If she’s reading, my mom just fell off her chair. But I do. Not to Jesus, because the jury is still out on whether I think he was a really sweet schizophrenic man, or something more (I’m kind of joking here - it was a reference to your comments in the previous post:). But I do pray. And if there is a heaven for good people, not exclusive to Jesus-loving good people, that’s where I want to end up:) I did get a kick out of Tongguu Momma’s comment that heaven isn’t just a place where good people get to hangout, heaven is a place where all beings there spend 100% of the time worshiping Jesus, so people who aren’t interested in a relationship with God / Jesus wouldn’t care to be there anyway. From the first part of her comment though, I got this hilarious mental picture of a party in the clouds with some dude in a cool garb was playing the acoustic guitar while the rest of us mingled with champaign glasses! Hahaha.

OK, PHEW, that was mildly therapeutic. Anyway, thanks for another good discussion guys. Tomorrow’s topic will be light and fun, I promise! That is, if the mac store can fix my computer. All my pre-written posts are stored on that machine…lots of wasted marshmallow brains if that thing can’t be salvaged.

Never planned on talking religion on my blog, but I really want to have a mature discussion about a big topic.  Let’s use a comment that was left by someone on a previous post as the springboard for this discussion:

Never quite got the “you’re not saving this child” garbage. Oh, let’s see…grow up in an orphanage with no parents, no guidance, no Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ (& no hope of salvation[Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” John 14:6])…or the incredible blessing of all these with an adoptive parent(s)/home. I would consider that saving a child. Even in a secular or pluralistic (unsaved) home the good act of adoption saves the child in a worldly sense. (AP 2 intl 7 mo olds in Jan 08).

Anyone who knows me at all is aware that I do NOT agree with anything said in the above comment.  In fact, I take serious issue with people making the decision to adopt out of the belief that they are "saving" a child by bringing child to Jesus / Christianity.  To me, that is an inherently disrespectful and condescending motive.  It’s horrendously disrespectful to the culture and country out of which my sons were adopted and puts so much pressure on adopted children to be grateful to their adoptive parents for rescuing them from a life in a country that is not predominantly Christian.  While I know this is a cornerstone of many religions, and one that bothers me no matter which religion is claiming it’s their way or the fire and brimstone way, it really irks me when people apply this to adoption.  I come with my own biases, obviously, but am very interested and open to hearing other views on this.  There is one thing, specifically, I would really like to hear about from people who believe there is only 1 way to heaven…

How do Christians, or religious people of any faith who believe their way is the only way to Heaven, explain what happens to the children who don’t get adopted (say, because of an adoption shutdown) and grow up living their lives in Buddhist Vietnam, or any other country in any other religion that isn’t what you consider "the only way?"  What happens to our children’s birth mothers who may have never been exposed to Christianity?  I had an interesting discussion with a few of my good friends from my Vietnam adoption community when we were in FL and no one could come up with a comfortable explanation.  A few of these friends of mine are Christians who are extremely tolerant, loving, and respectful of their children’s birth country and birth mothers, but could come up with no answer that honored the Christian belief AND made room for our kids’ birth mothers to go to Heaven if they remain Buddhist, as most of them may be. 

Personally, I believe that if there is a heaven, it is a place for all good people, not just Jesus-loving people, but that’s just me.  I never liked the idea that you could be a rapist murder and then, in your final days on death row, accept Jesus into your heart and get a pass to heaven.  But that’s just my take and I know Christianity is largely about forgiveness, so I get that.  I just want to believe heaven is inclusive of all religions and all good people who tried to do their best while they were here on Earth.  Maybe that’s the exposure to Catholicism I had in my childhood coming out?  Wherever it came from, that’s my gut belief.

What are your thoughts on this topic?  How do people reconcile their religious beliefs with conflicts like that?  I’m really interested to hear other people’s take on this stuff.  Just PLEASE watch your tones here; this is obviously a delicate issue and I want everyone to try to be respectful. 

To be an American. 

To be a Coloradoan. 

To have voted in a monumentally historic election.

I can’t even BELIEVE the landslide that happened yesterday.  I have great respect for John Mccain, even in spite of the campaign he ran.  I do.  But MAN am I proud of our president elect.  I am so happy we elected a man who reached the middle class, the minorities, the young, the old.  And I’m so happy that college educated white voters tipped the scales and turned the map blue - the very same demographic that went to Bush in the past.  I would’ve been befuddled if we, as a nation, had continued to make the same mistake over and over again while expecting a different result each time.   

I have confidence that Barack Obama will work hard to be inclusive and try to bring unity to all those who will accept it, and hopefully over the coming months, Mccain supporters will see what the rest of us have been seeing in Obama as our leader too.  I think it’s time to let the healing begin!  And when the true Joe the Plumber accepts reality that he was never destined to become a millionaire or crack into that top 5% of American wealth, he can be thankful that he is better off financially under Obama than he would’ve been had the other ticket been elected.  And he’ll be happy he and his family have a shot at health insurance to boot! 

The question now is, what are we all going to do with ourselves now that the campaigning is over?  I guess it’s time to get on with life in a new chapter of American history.  Check out this fun, random little thingy I made (like the rack I gave myself?  LOL, that was pre-delivery rack;) :

Get your own Family Sticker Maker & MySpace Layouts.

How was that for a random segway?!

And speaking of election results, Little Bo Peep is our Chicco Trevi Twin stroller winner - check out the poll on the left sidebar!!  Congrats!  Adorable Christopher the Cowboy gave her a run for her money all the way down to midnight last night (I know that because I had to stay up until then to close the poll on the exact hour since it was such a close race;).  Thank you to all who participated in our photo contest and the voting process.  It was fun!  I’ll return to the regular product reviews and giveaways soon!  Got tons more good ones coming up for the holidays.

WARNING: if you hate politics or are sick of reading people’s political opinions, skip this post.  I know I’ve stumbled onto a few blogs I read regularly in the past and now can’t help but think differently of people once I find out things like they don’t believe in evolution, global warming, etc.  This may be a total turn-off to lots of readers, but it is my blog and I do tend to use it to voice my opinions from time to time, so don’t read this unless you care to know what I think. 

Ok, so here were the rules to Nicki’s politics challenge:

Post on your blogs your best sales pitch for the candidate of your choice. Use words of hope and inspiration! Tell us why those of us sitting on the fence should fall off on your side! But here are the rules: you can not use the name of the ticket you aren’t supporting at all or otherwise reference the other ticket’s position on the issues. This isn’t about fear! This is about hope!

• Healthcare.  Not that this is the only important issue, but I think it speaks volumes about my candidate: Healthcare is a RIGHT.  Not an obligation or a privilege.  The US has not yet acknowledged the UN’s Declaration on Human Rights, which recognizes medical care as a RIGHT (Article 25).  Obama shares that view.  He also understands the plight of the 46+million uninsured, of which I am one.  When you don’t have money for the basics, you’re not going to use what little you do have to purchase healthcare you can’t afford.  You’re going to gamble, hope, and pray your health stays good so you can put that money somewhere you can see its results.  This gambling comes at tremendous cost to our system, as people land in the ER with expensive, dangerous health crisis that could’ve been averted with preventative care.  Fixing the system starts with realizing health care is a basic human right, as it is acknowledged by the international code of human rights.  Sadly, we are one of the few countries that doesn’t recognize that.  I want a leader who will change that view.  I am also a HUGE fan of the fact that if Obama becomes leader we would FINALLY have a president willing to use the government’s buying power to negotiate drug prices.  I remember feeling my jaw hit the floor when Bush said he wouldn’t use buying power to negotiate with pharmaceutical companies, and since Obama is the only one willing to stand up to drug companies, I look forward to health care reform with him in command!
• Foreign policy.  DIPLOMACY, DIPLOMACY, DIPLOMACY.  Is it not worth a TRY?  If it could possibly stave off WAR?!  I want to see someone in office who believes in reconciling without force.  At least trying to reconcile without using our military forcefully.  I’m not saying he should be a pushover or we should avoid war at all costs, but I don’t think that should be our first strategy for dealing with every potential conflict.
• Iraq.  We should never have been there in the first place, and now I want our troops out of there.  I want our focus to be here instead of someplace we’re POURING 10 billion dollars a month.  Someplace that has a government sitting on a tremendous surplus in the midst of our economic crisis.  GET. US. OUT.  Let’s stop hemorrhaging money over there and start picking up the pieces over here.
• Foreign relations.  Dependent on our foreign policy.  I so badly want our country to be one that is respected internationally.  I love Canada, but I’d love to be able to proudly admit I’m an American rather than claiming "Canadian" when we travel (joking people, joking).  I am a proud American, just not proud of a lot of our recent policies, decisions, and attitudes towards other countries.  That we can change!!
• The economy.  No matter how much money I ever make, so help me God if I ever stop recognizing that it is the middle class which drives our workforce, our economy, our country.  The middle class who EARNS its value in this country.  It’s the teachers, the janitors, the daycare workers, the hardworking laborers who make 30K a year to support a family of 5 who need and deserve help from the government.  When you don’t make over $250K a year, you work for every penny of your money, your money doesn’t sit somewhere and work for you.  I would say the same thing if I were bringing in that much money per year - I SHOULD be paying more in taxes because like Barack Obama said, it’s just fair.
• Energy.  I love that my candidate recognizes that if we live in a country which only has 3% of the world’s oil, and we use 25%, we cannot solve our energy crisis by simply drilling.  He also understands that drilling won’t yield anything anyway for at least 10 years out.  He is approaching this problem with more than a band-aid.  We need an energy revolution and he gets that.
• Running mate.  The choices of running mates are huge in this election.  We need to think about how the VP would govern this country should the unspeakable happen to the president.  I am VERY confident in Joe Biden’s abilities, knowledge, foreign policy experience, leadership, and priorities.
• The visceral.  Although no informed voter who really knows and votes on issues wants to admit this, there is always a visceral component to our decisions.  That sense you get about a person, your gut feeling.  For me, there’d be something to the "change" platform even if Barack didn’t have anything concrete to support it (which he DOES).  The reason is because he creates an atmosphere of positivity and hope.  He mobilizes young people who want to do something productive for the world and their country.  He speaks with such integrity and charisma.  He reminds me of JFK because of his ability to infuse a crowd with such inspiration. I love that hearing him speak gives me goosebumps and makes everyone think a little bigger about what our country can be.  And having hope is not naive.  Hope is the foundation for change.

There is so much more (I didn’t even touch on education, for example), but those are my highlights and that was my attempt at making a case for my candidate in the most positive way I am able.  I truly think we will be a better nation if we choose a better leader.  Let’s do it, only 1 week to go!

[Read more →]

Awhile back, my dad read my blog post about the myth that "women can have it all."  He had a very interesting take on the subject.  He 100% agreed with my friend’s point that the feminist movement has led women to the false belief that we can have it all.  And more falsely, that we can have it all at once.  He added that it was a long time ago that men, fathers, had been pushed out of the home life, and now it’s happening to women, mothers.  At least as women, our contributions to our families are recognized, and we are "supposed" to try and have it all - work and family.  Granted, that makes the expectations of us a million times higher than if only 1 of those was considered "our domain," like it is for men.  But it’s so sad that society expects so little of fathers.   I think society has changed in an interesting way.  It has basically begun to encourage women to expand outside of being the "homemaker," as one’s sole profession, but it has done nothing to help men move from the "breadwinner" back into the home. 

As women, we talk about it being so important for us to find "balance" between our careers and our families.  And while some people use the term "family guy" to refer to the minority of men (and sadly, it seems to be the minority) who seek a similar balance, I feel like it’s not nearly as respected or acceptable for a man in the workplace to tell his boss he needs a day off to chaperone a field trip, or leave work early to take his baby to the pediatrician.  That just seems really depressing to me, and I know Travis has a hard time with how little his role as dad is valued by society.  It’s so interesting to me how different the expectations are for a woman and a man here, and I think having unequal expectations for each makes life harder for BOTH genders.  It devalues a father’s role in his children’s lives, and it stretches mothers far too thin, creating so much space to feel guilty about not being a 100% mom to our kids or like failures with regards to our careers for not being 100% focused on those either.

[Maybe not everyone has that experience, just those of us who suffer from a Type A personality.  Personally, I'm striving to be a "recovering Type A."  Because I SO don't want to live like that - I want to find peace and happiness in the middle, balancing a career I feel is "successful" by my own definition, and a family of which I'm proud to be co-leader.  I know Travis shares that wish and in our ideal world, we'd each work part-time and spend the rest of our week tag teaming the homeschool thing.  That won't be an option though until our kids are 9,8, and 7 years old.  A loooong ways off!]

So what’s the overall result of a work-heavy society?  Imo, it’s a loss of family life.  Career heavy families.  Weekend parents.  Children raised by substitutes.  Sometimes it’s necessary to have 2 parents who both work full-time or more than full-time.  Perhaps they each have low paying careers, or are medical residents with large amounts of debt (ahem).  Maybe it’s a single parent household and there’s no way around working full-time to support a family.  Or maybe it’s because neither partner has a desire to give up career aspirations, sacrifice opportunities to climb higher or make more money to support a higher standard of living.

Whatever the reason, the difficulty is still that the burden of these things falls on our kids.  For the first time in history, we’ve ALMOST achieved a superficial equality in the sense that we are pushed into life-defining careers regardless of our gender.  But at what cost will this be to our kids?  To society and future generations? 

Personally, I think it sucks, yet I’m sucked into too, as is Travis.  We are bound by our debt and our chosen profession has to be the worst at the "balancing act" amongst all careers, at least through residency!  I can’t imagine how different things would be for us if we had universal health care, government funded medical education with a service commitment in exchange, and a work week structured with family life in mind, as Europe does.  Or maybe if we followed Europe’s lead and have 30 days on average of paid vacation per year, instead of our 16 day average (sadly, they’re probably going to start following OUR lead instead).  It’s no wonder only 30% of Americans hold passports; who has time to travel when people have to work so darn much?!  It’s like we all run around with blinders on - we can’t see beyond our own little tunnels, but there is a better way to live.  I’m all for hard work and a nation of hard workers.  But when you have a country of people who work harder for fewer benefits (poor or no health care, a subpar education system, etc.), fewer days off to enjoy the fruits of their labor, so little time to stop and smell the roses, what’s the point?  Go ahead, call me a socialist.  You know you want to.  But apparently capitalism doesn’t work either!  That was a half-assed crack (hehe) at our failing economy.

I apologize that this post is all over the place, but I’d love to hear people’s thoughts on a Dad’s role, the differences in the expectations for men vs women and how that does or doesn’t affect our lives and searches for balance as moms and women.  Do I have any dads who read regularly?  If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts - does it bother you that society doesn’t make more room for dad to be as hands-on a parent as mom is expected to be?  How does that affect your relationships with your kids?  Your wife?  You career?  And moms - do you wish your spouses shared the load more?  If yes, what prevents them from doing that - their own desires, work demands/hours, or do they just not consider child-rearing their domain because society has suggested it’s not?  I’d also love to hear thoughts from single parents - how do you achieve balance in your life if there is no partner with whom to share the load?  I love to hear the perspective of same-sex couples as well - how, if at all, does being the same gender as your partner play into your roles as parents and professionals?  This question is for everyone - is it natural for 1 parent to always fall into the role of "primary parent" and the other as "primary breadwinner?"  Any and all perspectives are welcome, as long as they remain respectful. 

[For the record, I got a crazy email after my last career post from someone saying she had just realized I'm not expert and until she realized that, she'd been letting me make her feel guilty for not doing things the way I do.  Umm, yeah, these are MY opinions, and my opinions only.  They are actually just my own musings as I try and sort through what my opinions even are regarding this topic.  PLEASE don't ever give me the authority of "expert," as I am an expert on virtually nothing.  And don't ever give me the power to make you feel guilty about your own life choices!!  Those are yours to make, and it's not really fair to blame me for how you feel about those choices.  I am not here to judge anyone, just to figure this crap out for myself so that I can live happily with the choices I get to make for my own life.  If reading my blog causes you more harm than good, please just stop reading it.  I can't stress that enough, as I continue to get comments trying to dictate what my blog should or shouldn't say.  It is my choice to write and your choice to read.]

Thank you to Nicki, for posting this video for me to see for the first time.  It brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my body.  PLEASE watch this and consider: what kind of country do you want to live in, and what kind of country you want your children to live in?  I know my answer.

For the record, I do think there is a quality about this video that makes Obama out to be a larger-than-life savior figure.  While I think he’s as human as the next guy, his vision is one that I find inspiring and his messages are ones I want my kids to grow up hearing and believing.  I don’t think he’s infallible or anything other than an incredibly charismatic leader who can enact change for a country that’s taken just about every wrong turn in the last 8 years.  And that happens to be just what I’m looking for in a president!

For the APs and PAPs out there, and anyone else who knows an adoptee or is an adoptee, I don’t care what your politics are; we should ALL take issue with Cindy McCain’s speech tonight…

HOW THE HELL can we expect the general public to be more sensitive, more educated, less ignorant about adoption, positive adoption language, and the psyche of anyone made to feel like a charity case when the potential-first lady-to-be is an adoptive parent herself and holds her kid up to the American public in a SPEECH aimed at showing what a wonderful person she, herself, is BECAUSE she adopted her daughter out of poverty?! That poor freakin girl. And not because she was “sick and malnourished, living in Mother Teresa’s orphanage in Bangladesh [paraphrased],” but because she has parents who have made it clear that they took her in, like a person would a stray puppy, and are seeking praise for doing so. And is it just me, or do any other PAPs or APs out there see a problem with Cindy McCain getting off the plane with an unexpected baby in her arms and her husband asking, “where’s that baby going?” and Cindy responding “to our house.” Not sure about you guys, but I don’t know if that’s the healthiest way to bring an adopted child into a new home. She might as well have said:

“Surprise honey, look what I found?! Can we keep her?”

Are you kidding me, Cindy? And then the camera pans to the daughter as the audience stands and applauds her mother for the wonderful thing she did in adopting this little orphan.

Maybe I’m off-base here. Maybe Bridget McCain is totally well-adjusted and so grateful to her parents for saving her. {That should’ve been read with great sarcasm, btw}

But I’m pissed off on behalf of my own family because that kind of public display of ignorance is why Travis and I are often approached to be told what a great thing we’ve done in adopting our kids, or the “wow, they don’t even know how lucky they are” comments at the grocery store. For the record, NO child who has ever lost the parents that gave him/her life is “lucky.” The luck and the good fortune belong solely to the adoptive parents who have the pleasure of raising that child. Being an adoptive parent is a BLESSING, and I hope my children NEVER feel indebted or unworthy to be our kids because of anything anyone else has ignorantly said to them or because Travis and I have failed at showing them that it is WE, their parents, who wake up everyday feeling grateful to have them as our children to raise, love, and adore.